So today was the first visit from the safe guarding social worker. I told the girls a short time before she was due to arrive to minimise their anxiety building up.
Big Girl and Middle Girl remained close to me, clearly watching the window anxiously awaiting the arrival. Baby Girl went to a different room, but sat in a position whereby she could also see the window/door, and read (pretended to) a book.
The social worker was pleasant, introduced herself and explained she was there to see how everyone was doing. The girls giggled quite a bit, hid behind their hair, and briefly engaged in conversations about hobbies and books and things like that. The social worker attempted to subtly find out what access to technology they have, how often they see friends and if they get pocket money.
I’m assuming the social worker could sense their anxiety, despite their outward smiles, because she only stayed for 30minutes (she’d told me she’d stay an hour or so when she called). She asked them if they’d be happy for her to come back next week and they all excitedly chirped ‘yes!!’.
I could see the anxiety, I knew that ‘yes’ wasn’t genuine. I reminded them that she was a nice lady here to help and they could say anything they wanted and she wouldn’t mind. Baby Girl piped up defensively that she was saying exactly what she wanted to say! Big Girl looked at me with a desperate look in her eyes and Middle Girls bottom lip was quivering whilst she smiled and nodded.
The social worker left. I asked them how they really felt. 1hr 45minutes later Big Girl and Middle Girl finally stopped crying and Baby Girl assured me she was feeling better also.
When the social worker left Big Girl had become angry, very rude and obnoxious. I can’t deny fearing she was going to blow again. I commented that maybe she wasn’t angry with me, like her behaviour suggested, but perhaps she was sad or anxious. She burst in to tears. She couldn’t tell me how she was feeling so eventually I asked her to try writing it down.
Middle Girl tried to tell me how she felt about the visit but the lump in her throat and the tears streaming down her face left her unable to speak. I also asked her to try and write how she was feeling.
Baby Girl lay on the sofa, peeled a sticker from a parcel besides her and put it across her mouth. I think she said everything she needed to in that moment.
Middle girl wrote that we was worried she would have to talk about what’s been happening with big girl, and she didn’t want to, she wrote it would make her cry.
Big girl wrote that she was scared she would say the wrong things to the social worker and she would write them in her report still and that scared her. She told me later that taking to the social worker again felt pointless because she wouldn’t tell her the truth. She wasn’t able to tell me why she wouldn’t be able to be truthful, but she did say ‘I never am with people I don’t trust’.
Baby Girl told me later than she is worried the stress of the social worker visits is going to make big girl ‘kick off’ again.
I didn’t tell her of course, but so am I.
Note: Thank you to everyone that’s messaged me, commented, tweeted etc recently, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support. ♥️