All posts tagged rivalry

Sisterly love!

Published November 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I’m not sure if I’ve gone in to this much before, but I’ve always felt there was some resentment from middle girl towards baby girl. Possibly due to baby girl having been in a different foster care placement to middle and big girl.

There are lots of things that have happened over the last 2 years to make me think this, the recent sleeping issues is just the latest.

I’ve also mentioned baby girls issues around control and food. And her difficulties in nursery, reception and now year 1.

The lunch time difficulties have continued and increased as her sleep has dwindled. She ‘drops’ her lunch, she chucks it in the bin, she gives it to someone else, she eats other peoples lunch then after becoming totally dysregulated she gets ‘distracted’ and spends time messing about in the toilets. We’ve tried everything to encourage her eat her lunch. I’ve spoken to school about it on many many occasions over the years.

Last week I requested that baby girl sit with a dinner lady that’s been assigned to sit with another child. The school agreed and told me that the dinner lady wouldn’t be able to ‘deal’ with baby girl as her priority is the other child which I totally understood and agreed with, but she would be able to ‘supervise’ her eating. I was happy with this.

Yesterday was the first day of the new arrangements. It went brilliantly, baby girl ate all her lunch and in a reasonable time too. Because she was sat with an adult she was able to remain regulated meaning there was no messing about after lunch, no getting in trouble in class.

Baby girl got lots of praise for this, lots.

Today, middle girl decided she also wanted to sit with baby girl at lunch time, she’s never done this before.

There was chattering and fun and time ticked away. The dinner lady left because the boy she was with finished his lunch. Meaning baby girl was left sat with middle girl.

Middle girl decided it was her job to tidy up baby girls lunch things and tell her what to do, there was more chatter and silliness. A drink was spilt and middle girl told baby girl to throw some of her lunch in the bin, the rest got dropped on the floor.

It seems middle girl will go to all sorts of lengths to spoil things for baby girl.

Baby girl was in trouble in class today, several times.

I’ve cried today, several times.

Where will this ‘sibling rivalry’ take us?! No where good I suspect!


No Surprise

Published June 24, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Its hardly surprising that middle girl feels resentment towards baby girl.

For most of her memorable childhood she was in foster care with her big sister. Her big sister looked after her and allowed her to take the spot light as she was favoured by their foster carer. She was the baby of the foster family and allowances were made and extra treats given. She controlled and manipulated the adults around her, her weapon was ‘silence’.

Then along came her baby sister who’d been in a separate foster care placement. Suddenly she was no longer the baby of the family and big girl had found a new ‘baby’ in the house that she could follow around. Big girl stepped forward and middle girl stepped back.

After only a few weeks of living together all 3 girls were placed with us. Baby girl felt all confused and out of sorts and used ‘food’ to control the adults around her. Middle girl attempted to control the adults around her with ‘silence’ but unlike her days in foster care her attempts were futile. Big girl tried to take care of everyone and instructed her sisters to ‘call me mummy’ and paid all her attention to baby girl, perhaps cause she was the youngest, or perhaps because she was the easiest to manipulate.

As time went by they all struggled to find their places, baby girl desperately wanted to feel part of the group and pushed for attention from both of her sisters, big girl was only too willing to give it, with middle girl gradually stepping further back and allowing her needy sisters to take the ‘attention seeking’ stage.

I sit here today listening to baby girl and big girl doing some drawing together whilst middle girl loudly stomps up and down the playroom shouting and singing and playing loud music and doing anything she can to irritate her sisters and take some of their attention for herself.

She’s understandably tired of being left out, she’s angry at her baby sister for taking her big sisters attention away from her, she’s fed up of sitting in the background and she’s going to do everything she can to put things ‘right’. It seems targeting baby girl in a bid to get her into trouble and then misbehaving herself to bring down the spot light on to the smile that she hides behind are her battle tactics!

She’s declaring war on her sisters, things are gonna get ugly!

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