post adoption

All posts tagged post adoption

My thoughts on 2012

Published January 10, 2013 by thefamilyof5

Complete waste of time, that pretty much sums up 2012 for our family!

We’ve seen camhs pretty much for an hour every fortnight for a year now. Have we received any therapy? Is our family benefiting? Have the girls emotions been addressed? Are we being helped?

Caf meetings have been taking place throughout the year, has there been any changes implemented as a result of these meetings?

The placing authority have been called, begged, cried too, pleaded with several times, has there been any additional support offered?

The voluntary agency we used have been informed of our issues, asked for help. Have we had any?

So please, someone tell me, what is post adoption support???

*this blog is sponsored by yet another sleepless night due to a traumatised child sleeping in my bedroom, still.


To sleep, or not to sleep……

Published September 5, 2012 by thefamilyof5

So today was the first day back at school after the summer holidays. It went smoothly. Well that’s providing you don’t count the 2hours it took for big and middle girl to fall asleep last night, or the 5am wake up this morning or the 3 hours (and counting) its taken to fall asleep tonight.

I mentioned the sleep issues to the placing authority today during a call I made to them about something else.

The conversation went like this:

Her: how’s things been over the holidays?
Me: awful, middle girl is still waking at 5am and persistently waking baby girl, they’re tired, grouchy and bickering constantly, I’ve tried everything, I don’t know what else to do?
Her: oh dear that’s hard isn’t it………………….oh I forgot to tell you, I’m leaving next week.

Honestly I don’t know what I’ve been moaning about, I’m clearly being supported by the Post Adoption Team…………………(Please insert your favourite swear word here) !!!!

The Search for Support Continues

Published August 14, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I received a call last week from the placing authorities post adoption worker. She was calling to tell me some exciting news, apparently they’d finally been able to source medical records for big girl (see prev post) and was sending them in the post, I was so excited and relieved to hear this, little did I know at the time that what she was sending me was not actually the written notes, just the limited computer printout.

During our call she also discussed support. Basically she said

‘We’re too far away to support you, your local authority don’t want to support you so we’re putting the responsibility with the voluntary agency you used’

She’d called the Voluntary Agency (VA) that we’d used when we adopted, Action For Children. Apparently they were able to offer us support and she also mentioned something about funding for it being part of the agreement between the 2 agency’s when we adopted?!(Who cares!) She suggested I ring them to discuss further.

I rang them yesterday. The social worker I spoke to was a lady we’d met during our training/approval. I hadn’t really taken to her much in the past if I’m honest, she was loud and ‘in ya face’ and always seemed to have her huge boobs hanging out all over the place, but I didn’t let that stop me explaining our situation to her this time.
I chatted to her at length, I told her how I felt we needed support but as I wasn’t sure what kinds of support were available, I didn’t really know what we needed. I explained that I don’t feel we’re functioning properly as a family and that 2years in I still don’t feel I know any more about my girls than I did the day I met them. We talked about compliance and the difficulties it presents adoptive parents with, she was very ‘clued’ up on compliance and this pleased me, she said all the right things, gave me examples of scenarios and empathised on how it all must make me feel. She also touched on how compliant children generally appear happy and content to the outside world, with only mum really knowing that things were not as they should be. Soooo true!

I had called our VA previously, last year I think. I’d spoke to our original social worker. She is a lovely woman, we’d always got along with her. She was great during the approval/matching process, she guided us, helped us and pushed us along nicely. When I’d called her for support though, I hadn’t found her very supportive. She’d offered empathy when what I needed was guidance and advice.

So back to the current phone call, we chatted about CAMHS and how that’s been working, or not working for us. She discussed training opportunities and possibly putting me back in touch with our original social worker or perhaps a new one. She also chatted about a family in a similar situation that we might like to get in touch with. All in all she felt that it was best to wait until I’ve met with the new CAMHS therapist (this afternoon) to see what their plan was and take it from there.

I’m going to meet with CAMHS later today, I’m really hoping they’re the solution we need, I’m really hoping they can help us to be a functioning family and stop me from feeling like a long term ‘babysitter’ but realistically I know therapy is a slow process and I’m not sure how long we, I, can hold it together before serious and permanent cracks start to show.

More Puzzle Pieces

Published August 14, 2012 by thefamilyof5

So we received some medical information yesterday for big girl from her former gp, its a printout from their computer, its ‘only’ taken 2 years to get, we still don’t have the written notes, they appear to have been lost, or hidden! (I’m becoming increasingly paranoid that someone doesn’t want us to see those notes!)

So anyway whilst browsing through these very limited and mostly useless notes, I spotted something very alarming. A scanned copy of a LAC review form stating, amongst other things, that big girl was seem by CAMHS on a date almost 3 years prior to being placed with us. This also means she was still with her birth family at this point. Why do we not already know this?! Surely being referred to a mental health service was significant enough for us to have been told! Apparently not!

So of course I immediately picked up the phone and dialled the number for the placing authority’s post adoption team where I was informed that the worker for our family was off sick and no one else could help me. I sank back into my chair deflated and defeated, again.
I shared my anger and despair with some good friends of mine who rekindled the fight in me and told me not to take no for an answer.
I dialled again, this time I refused to be fobbed off and was eventually put through to a manager of some sort. I explained the situation, she was very understanding and promised to look into records, contact their local CAMHS and ring me with her findings by 12 the next day (today).

12.20pm today she called. She’s not been able to find out anything but I appreciated that she’d tried. She’d looked through records on their computer system and could find no reference of a CAMHS appointment for big girl. She could however see that one of their elder siblings had been seen by CAMHS. She has made contact with their local CAMHS and is currently waiting for them to ring her back to discuss it further.

Was this a mistake? Did the GP write up the report incorrectly? Has big girl been referred to CAMHS in the past? Was she just seen as part of her siblings referral? Is someone hiding something from me?

So many questions, again!

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