I love it when they NEED me. It doesn’t happen often sadly but when it does, I enjoy every nano second.
Baby girl got a little overwhelmed in the park yesterday, after a bump we had giggles, strops and then she finally let down her barriers a few minutes later cried and fell in to my arms. I don’t think the tears were for the bump, although I’m not denying it would have hurt a bit at least, but I think the sudden rush of emotions took her by surprise. Pain, fear, embarrassment, panic, hopelessness, and probably more.
Her sister came to cheer her up by giving her a caterpillar to hold. Her smile returned, her confidence did not. She clung to me for most of the day after that, unsure, exhausted and wanting to be held. I enjoyed being needed.
How does life become so bad that at age 7 you would want to hurt yourself!
My big girl obviously felt that way today. I was called aside at the end of school to be told that a misunderstanding between children on the playground at dinner time had resulted in her being so upset that she was unable to speak to explain what had happened and so angry that she intentionally hurt herself by scrapping her knuckles on concrete and pushing her fingers into her eyes.
I feel too sad to say anything more about it at the moment, but be assured that I will be speaking to school tomorrow to see how they can support her, this is not the first time she’s intentionally hurt herself in school.
I ‘think’ my eldest daughter intentionally hurt the cat this morning. I say ‘think’ because I can’t be sure. I’ve had 3 different versions of events so far from her. The first was ‘accidentally tripping over the cat’. Then she retracted this and said she ‘kicked the cat’. Then finally saying it was all lies and ‘she never touched the cat at all and doesn’t know why she yelped’. My closest witness, my baby girl, said she ‘absolutely definitely actually saw her kick the cat’?! (her words ha ha ha) so what to believe!? What I do know, is that my usually very sociable cat, is very upset and very nervous of her and took a lot of coaxing to get out of hiding this morning and again tonight when she returned from school.
To my horror she mimic’d the yelping noise the cat made, for fun, whilst waiting to go to school this morning. She then spent the car journey to school with her eyes boring a hole in the back of my head and smiling like something from a horror movie! My daughters shown no remorse, only regret that she got in to trouble for lying. (I cant punish her for anything else as I don’t actually know what she has or hasn’t done.)
It could have been a simple accident, but the fact that Im suspecting otherwise shows me that I don’t trust her and I don’t know what she’s capable of.
Of my 3 girls, she’s the one I understand/trust the least.