home education

All posts tagged home education

Pausing for summer……….

Published July 14, 2016 by thefamilyof5

I haven’t written anything for sooooooo long!! For those that don’t follow me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, I’m still alive, just been super busy!! 🙂

Right, where to start!?

Home education update:

We’ve just completed years 4, 5 and 7. The girls have improved so much, especially in maths as we have a tutor! My own knowledge of verbs, pronouns and conjunctions has also improved, vastly! 🙂

We’ve enjoyed too much to list. The girls favorites seem to be our weekly visits to the library, they’re each reading 2-3 books a week now! We also listen to audio books on car journeys, we’ve listened to lots of Roald Dahl and David Walliams, we’re currently listening to Matilda which is being read by Kate Winslet, we’re all really enjoying it, especially the bit about the newt in Miss Trunchballs water jug! We’ve also done some gardening, which is a first for me. We have some potatoes and herbs growing as well as some sunflowers and lovely wild flowers that we planted especially for the bees living under our decking. We’ve done lots of arts and crafts, the girls have really enjoyed some YouTube tutorials for sketching and crafting and really enjoy catching an episode of Deadly 60 and Operation Ouch, thank goodness for recordable TV. We’ve also recently started a bit of bird spotting, inspired by a trip to a local wildlife sanctuary. There’s more, so much more.

Therapy update:

We have continued with our DDP therapy, the girls have been so much more engaged in the sessions now that they’re no longer anxious all the time. We’ll be continuing with our therapy for sometime yet I imagine. We plan to also start some additional sensory based therapy towards the end of the year, so it will be interesting to see what becomes of that.

I’m still trying to get some support from our LEA with regards to funding for tuition and have 2 EHCP appeal tribunals to look forward to at the end of the year. One is for the refusal to assess middle girl for an EHCP and the other is for inaccurate information and lack of support from Big girl’s EHCP. I also have a formal complaint with our LA regarding the lack of support available for my girls education, they failed to address it formally though so I’m still awaiting a response, it is neither my fault, nor the girls fault that they are unable to manage a school environment. Like I haven’t got enough on my plate eh!

I’m exhausted. Being mom and ‘tutor’ is really hard and not something that comes easy to me. Its really hard to find the energy to be theraputic or even just have fun after a few hours of pre-learning the English curriculum and then trying to teach that to children with a high level of need. It was never something I’d ever considered but I can now safely say that I’m not teacher material! 😉

Its become even more apparent how hard middle girl finds her learning and how her auditory and memory difficulties impact this for her. She can totally forget how to do something whilst doing it i.e she can be doing a full page of 3 digit multiplication grids, get half way and suddenly have no idea how to do them any more and start putting random numbers in odd places. Also what she hears and thinks, isn’t always what comes out of her pencil i.e when we were listening to the ‘Billionaire Boy’ audio book, she was able to tell me what it was called, yet what came out of her pencil when she wrote about it in to her diary was ‘Billy the Miner Boy’, to which both she and I were quite surprised to discover. I’m worried that there is something else going on with her but I’m not sure what, perhaps dyslexia or maybe something else, I don’t know. What I do know though is that she shouldn’t have got to year 5 without having her learning difficulties formally investigated. To my knowledge, she has never been assessed by an Educational Psychologist or any other learning specialist in school despite me asking teachers about a statement/EHCP since she was in year 1. However, despite all her difficulties she never gives up, constantly strives to succeed and really glows with pride when she does. Middle girl is fantastic at concentrating, she can really immerse herself in her work and enjoy it. She’s picked up multiplication really well but still struggles with her phonics/reading. I’ve bought the Toe by Toe reading programme in the hope that this will help her. She is absolutely loving dance class and her swimming has improved dramatically! Her speech is more fluent, her word finding has improved and her ability to say ‘I cant think of the word’ (rather than remaining silent), demonstrating her confidence, has been lovely to hear. She’s been doing a lot of imaginative play with baby girl, and whilst sometimes she can still be a little awkward with her play, she is certainly improving and enjoying her new ability to just relax and have fun.

Baby girl is, well baby girl. Cheeky and sassy and generally full on. She needs constant re-focusing and gets bored with ‘work’ very easily. She rushes everything, makes lots of silly mistakes and is always eager to get on to the next task so she can go and play. She is really enjoying learning new things though and often tells me about some interesting fact she’s read in a book. She is no longer obsessively collecting things, she is sleeping better, she is playing nicer and she is enjoying life. However, I think she’d really like it if we just watched TV, ate cake and cuddled her teddies all day 🙂

Big girl is so much happier, she no longer rages, she no longer self harms and she actually enjoys maths! She’s got quite good at it as well, which is lucky because I’ve needed her to explain subtraction with carrying to me so that I could help her sisters with their homework! There are still lots of gaps in her learning, so for example whilst she now knows all 12 of her times tables, 12hr and 24hr clock, she still struggles to use basic number bonds, for example she’d still use her fingers to add 10+5 or 6+4 etc. Her self confidence has improved massively too, she knows she’s better at things and she feels proud of those achievements and likes to tell people how proud she feels. She’s really enjoying the weekly dance class they all attend is happy to confidently demonstrate her new moves to family. Her reading has come on brilliantly too, she’s not only moved on to harder books but her comprehension has improved and she is really enjoying the stories she reads, taking real care with her choices of book when we visit the library.

So that’s us and our first academic year of home education! I have a lot more grey hairs and the circles under my eyes are darker, I have a billion unanswered emails, my to do list is getting ridiculous and the dust in my house has its own dust, but the girls are positively flourishing so its all worth while. For now, we’ll be taking a deep breath and pausing for summer 🙂

I will try my hardest to write more here, but I urge you to come follow me on Facebook or Twitter, I update those with regular little snippets because its quicker 🙂

 

 

 

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The things you’ll never hear me say…………

Published April 20, 2016 by thefamilyof5

Being an adoptive parent means having to constantly fight for what our children need. It’s never easy. Putting on that brave face, that armor every day, means it can sometimes be too hard to let that more vulnerable side of us be seen. There are some things you will never hear an adopter say…………………

I’ll never tell you to stop telling me about your child’s latest achievements, but its sometimes just a tough reminder for me of the things my own children are not achieving right now.

I wont tell you how much of a failure you make me feel, every time you say ‘all kids do that’.

I wont tell you how utterly out of my depth I feel with all this attachment and trauma stuff, I’ll just smile as I confidently explain it all to you.

I wont tell you that I cried myself to sleep last night or the night before, you’ll just hear me say tomorrow is a new day.

I wont tell you how hard it is, every day or how I’m not the lioness everyone thinks I am.

I wont tell you how much I worry for the future and cry about the past.

I wont tell you that I’m lonely, that I haven’t seen or spoken to another adult outside of my family for weeks, I might just casually suggest we catch up soon, hiding the desperation from my voice.

You wont hear me say I feel like I failed my children today when I shouted and saw that look of terror in their faces, you’ll just hear me say ‘we’re fine thanks’.

You’ll never hear me scream ‘I cant do this’, unless your inside my head that is.

I wont tell you the real reason I don’t sleep at night.

I wont tell you that the highest aspiration I have for my child is simply that they manage to stay on the right side of the law, instead I’ll joke with you about how they plan to rule the world!

You wont hear me scream and stamp my feet and beg for someone to just listen, you’ll just see me gracefully appealing yet another decision that’s been made for my child.

I’ll never tell you how many times I’ve wished I could just run away and pretend this life wasn’t mine, I’ll just tell you its been a shit day and tomorrow is a new one.

You wont hear me ask for help, I cant, I’m too busy putting on a brave face and fighting my child’s corner, I don’t have time to show you any weakness, heck I don’t even have time to reply to emails.

 

I will however tell you that this blog was inspired by an article I read today by Ger Renton on themighty.com

How are you feeling today?

Published January 16, 2016 by thefamilyof5

Emotions and feelings is something that middle girl and big girl really struggle with. Outside the safety net of ‘happy’ and ‘sad’ their emotional vocabulary is very limited. They also struggle with recognising emotions in others as well as themselves. Baby girl on the other hand knows all the different types of emotions, but sometimes isn’t able to put them in to the right context and is pretty oblivious to the idea that anyone else even has any feelings.

So I thought we’d incorporate some work around feelings and emotions in to our learning, The girls had great fun making these flip books and colouring them in.

We had a little play with the books and looked at all the different emotions we could make with them. Then I set them a task, I asked them to make a face each, decide what emotion the face was showing, give the face a name and then make up a story to go with it, they had to think it all up in their heads, no help, no sharing ideas.  It took a few attempts but we got there.

They  then shared their emotion/person/story with everyone else. It was so much fun, we laughed a lot!

Baby girl made Bob, Bob was soooo angry because he’d made a special trip to the lego shop and when he got there they didn’t have any lego!

This is middle girl, she made James, James was shocked because he went to his bedroom and found that his little sister had taken all of his toys!

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Big girl chose Liam, Liam is feeling sleepy and happy apparently. He’s happy because he’s going to a party today and sleepy because the excitement kept him awake all night! (The face she pulled to demonstrate sleepy and happy was toooo funny, I wish I could show you!)

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We’ve kept these books, I intend to re-visit this regularly with the hope of improving big girl and middle girls ability to recognize and express their own, and other peoples, emotions and hopefully baby girl will start to realise that actually, she isn’t the only person on the planet with feelings!

Ive linked this up with #WASO over at The Adoption Social where you’ll find loads of really great adoption blogs to read 🙂

*edit I found the idea here : http://blog.theautismsite.com/smarty-teaching-emotions-booklet/?utm_source=aut-autaware&utm_medium=social-fb&utm_term=010916&utm_content=link&utm_campaign=smarty-teaching-emotions-booklet&origin=aut_autaware_social_fb_link_smarty-teaching-emotions-booklet_010916

Our school to home ed Journey…………

Published January 8, 2016 by thefamilyof5

I have some new followers, I guess the new ‘Home Education’ tags have drawn interest from different circles so I guess I had better do a quick post to fill everyone in! are you sitting comfortably, you might want to go wee and grab a coffee before you start!

We tried school, it didn’t work for us, we now Home Educate

Of course there’s a lot more to it, so here goes……………….

The girls first came home at the beginning of summer meaning we had to get their names down for school before we’d even met them! We knew nothing of schools, or the education system never mind what the needs of our soon to be daughters would be so we had to rely on local advice when choosing the school/nursery. We opted for our largest primary, within walking distance, it came highly recommended by some of our older neighbors who had sent their, now grown up, children there. We visited, had the guided tour, I even took my mom along! It seemed lovely, they had lots of space, lots of staff and lots of experience with SEN apparently. We filled in the forms.

It was fine for about a year, well kind of, but then, so were the girls, kind of, it took about a year for us to realise that they were ‘too fine’. We soon realised this was compliance. Once they realised that we’d realised they were faking it, well the masks came off and the games began. We paid more attention to the subtle clues they gave us, we connected the dots and we noticed more. Baby girl, well she was a unraveling at school. She didn’t feel safe, there was too much going on, too many faces, too much time where she wasn’t supervised, and she knew it, she was stealing food/milk, cutting up her school clothes, being disruptive in class, being unkind to her peers, her name spent more and more time in the ‘red zone’ on the classroom wall. ‘She needs to know your watching her and keeping her safe, think toddler’ we said, ‘We are’ they said ‘So how did she manage to cut her dress up in class if you were watching her, she knows your not watching her, and your behavior system is making her feel ashamed’ we said.

Big girl was also struggling, she didn’t have any friends, she was constantly falling out with people in her class, her work was falling more and more behind, she was getting more and more frustrated, she began self harming at break and lunch times, she shouted at teachers and ran away from lunch time staff. She was scared and didn’t feel safe.

Middle girl was invisible. ‘she’s so helpful isn’t she’ they said. ‘she’s trying to please you because she doesn’t feel safe’ we said, ‘she’s got such a lovely smile’ they said. She became more and more invisible, hiding her fear behind her smile.

I cant blame it all on the school/staff, this was before the Pupil Premium, they had no real experience of traumatised children and neither did we. We didn’t know what they should be doing to support the girls needs and neither did they. But we knew the girls didn’t feel safe in school, we gave it 3 years before we realised we needed a smaller school with less faces, less space, less visitors, less everything.

So the hunt for a smaller school began. We narrowed it down to 2. One within our local area and one further afield. The closest one had a warm family feel about it, but the head openly admitted she knew nothing of attachment or trauma but would en-devour to do her best to support their needs. The school that was further away was marginally bigger, had that same warm friendly family feel about it and a head teacher that said she knew all about attachment and trauma as they had lots of adopted and looked after children in school. We signed the forms.

September came, by October it was very apparent that the head teacher, nor the staff knew anything about the needs of truamatised children, the open door policy the head teacher claimed to have was more like a door slammed in your face policy. Thankfully November bought her resignation. It took the best part of that academic year for a replacement head teacher to be appointed, it was a difficult year to say the least, a wasted year really, no relationships were made, no trust was gained so no learning took place. We then had quite possibly the worst summer ever, the anticipation of the return to a school that didn’t understand them was just too much for the girls. We entered a new academic year weary and tired. Thankfully that September bought a new head teacher and with it renewed hope. My hope wasn’t misplaced either, he was/is amazing. He listened, he accommodated and he did his very best to understand. He put measures in place, the most important of which was a Key Worker, she was/is also amazing. Between the two of them they did their very best to support us all as a family during what was Big girls last year in primary school. They used some of their pupil premium money on attachment training, removed the girls from their behavior modification systems, put in specialist support at crucial times throughout every day, added flexibility/consideration to the curriculum and vast amounts of extra learning support.

So the hunt for a high school began. We researched all the local and not local high schools, we knew a big school would be too much for her so we opted for a smaller one (same size as the first primary school but smallest we could get) outside our catchment area but everyone agreed it was the only suitable place for her, well everyone except the LEA, without knowing anything about her, they were adamant our local high school, 3 times the size, would be fine so they refused to support us with transport. We knew our daughter best and applied for the smaller one, it was there or Home Ed, we knew that much. We got the EHC plan the high school said she’d need and we did our best to make it through the year. Big girls tantrums worsened as her anxiety increased, baby girl got closer and closer to school refusal needing more and more support each day and middle girl finally found the courage to remove her mask at home and tell us and our therapist that even though she said she did, she really didn’t like school at all, she found it scary. There was a lot more to all of this, I’m simplifying it, many incidents, many indicators, many sick days due to stress, many tears and much hard work and relentless support from the school.

September came and before we even got big girl to high school, there were problems. Aside from discovering that the tutor she’d met during her transition meetings was going on maternity leave, We discovered days before school was due to start that the crucial key worker that they’d assigned to big girl, the one person that had the ability to help her feel safe in school by taking the time to build up a trusting relationship, was also key worker for many many other children most of which outwardly displayed their needs, unlike big girl who would need time and patience and trust before she would be able to even consider to ‘open up’. I feared she would become invisible, her needs over shadowed by the needs of those more secure needy children. I wasn’t wrong. By mid September Id already had a meeting with school, exchanged several heated emails and already requested an emergency review of her EHC plan. Her needs were going totally unrecognised, they were utterly unable to see past her compliance. Her anxiety was very apparent at home, once she got home and felt safe it would all come out, often in violent rages. Things were also made worse because despite her EHC Plan being in place with details of 17.5 hours worth of support including social skills support, reading support, emotional language support, classroom support, she received nothing more than a room to spend break/lunch times in, where she would build a den under the desk in order to feel safe, and a busy key worker to share with various other needy children. She’d scraped through a level 3 in SATS just a few months prior, yet was expected to do level 5 work, or at least try, without any support. By October things had become completely unmanageable for all of us. Big girls anxiety was through the roof and it was effecting the entire family. Middle girl had completely stopped ‘learning’ and was needing more and more support, she was withdrawing and showing signs of underlying anger, baby girl wasn’t sleeping, crying, clinging to me each morning and not wanting to go to school and becoming more and more ambivalent in our relationship. CAMHS had agreed to prescribe big girl with medication for her anxiety 😦

Half term came and the week was spent agonizing over what to do. Id asked both the LEA and high school for a review of big girls EHC plan several times, no action was ever taken. I was about to medicate my child ‘just’ so she could manage school. Middle girl was withdrawing from ‘relationships’ and becoming ‘shut down’. Baby girl was a mess, she was angry with me for making her go to school, but clingy and needy at the same time. All of this, just for school! We had to draw the line. We’d spent 5 years trying to get the girls to feel safe in school, things were getting worse not better. How much more of their childhoods could we spend unhappy and stressed out, just because of school!? They needed so much more joy in their lives, they deserved happiness!

So we made the decision to home educate. It wasn’t a snap decision, it had been on the cards for over a year, we’d discussed it with several professionals as well as family members, Id made no secret of it. It certainly wasn’t my choice, but I knew that we might at some point have to accept that they were just unable to manage a school environment. Id really hoped that the high school would get it right, if they had, well maybe things would have been different, if things had been going well for at least one of them, maybe it would have given us enough ‘hope’ to carry on. But it didn’t, it was falling apart from all angles, even with a super supportive primary school, baby girl and middle girl just weren’t improving and big girl, well she didn’t stand a chance at a high school that couldn’t even see her needs, never mind meet them. If we’d just de-registered Big girl, well, there was no way Id have got the other 2 in school, and if I’d forced them, the damage to our relationship would have been catastrophic. This was a make or break decision for our family.

So here we are. Big girls anxiety has reduced so much that we no longer feel she needs anxiety medication. Baby girl is happy, I can almost see her heart smiling, middle girl, well, her confidence has soared!
My only regret is that we didn’t do it sooner!

PS remember the LEA that insisted our local huge high school was the best place for big girl, and as such wouldn’t support us with transport to the smaller further away school, well since I asked again for her EHCP to be reviewed in November, with a view to name Home Education and apply for a personal budget for tuition, they’ve now decided that the smaller high school, that they refused transport for, is the best place for her and are still refusing to review her EHCP (Education Health Care Plan)! Couldn’t make it up could ya!

I’m just not very creative mummy…..

Published January 5, 2016 by thefamilyof5

So baby girl sat next to me today at the craft table at the home ed group we attend.

‘I’m just not very creative mummy’ she said to me, whilst coming up with an idea and making a snow globe with no input from me at all!

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Honestly, I can’t tell you how well Home Education is working for these girls of mine! They’re flourishing!

Not bad eh…..

Published January 4, 2016 by thefamilyof5

**Bragg alert**

So this is middle girl, well, not all of her, just her feet!
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Aside from noticing her odd shaped toes (I have a foot ‘thing’, they’re all gross, yes even yours!), you will also be able to see her amazing Loom Band creation! (I hate loom bands too!!).

“So what?” you might think, but when I tell you that she went to her bedroom, switched on her Blackberry Playbook, used Google to look for what she wanted to make and then followed the instructions, not once but 6 times!!!! (Yes she’s made lots, perhaps a little obsessively, or maybe just enjoying her own ability to create something of her own). Then perhaps you’ll realise why I’m feeling so proud of those manky feet and the person they belong to right now. 🙂

She’s tackled the Internet (even this is a new thing for her), found the result she wanted, followed the instructions, persevered and worked completely without ANY help at all!! (I can’t make that weird stuff, no point in asking me for help lol)

Pretty impressive huh!  Especially given her language, memory and processing difficulties!

Feeling very proud right now!

 

Working hard…….

Published December 21, 2015 by thefamilyof5

I just wanted to write a quick update because something wonderful happened today. My big girl, the one that lacks all confidence in her ability and would rather not ‘try’ than risk failure, well, she decided to ‘write a story’ today.

It might not sound like much, but for her, this independant choice to ‘write’ and give story writing a try is huge progress! Especially since we’d decided to ‘break up’ for christmas over a week ago!

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Im so proud of how far she has come in such a short period of time, her confidence has grown so much!

She isn’t the only one. My mum today commented on the positive changes she has seen in all of the girls, they’re more focused, more relaxed and are all eager to learn. She also commented on the massive changes in middle girl who’s confidence has really grown, she’s really starting to find her voice more!

I’ll leave you with these pictures of their wonderful Christmas crafts, they may not look like much, but they each, independently carried out their own Google searches to find an idea they liked and then followed the instructions provided, with NO help!! Pretty impressive for kids that didn’t know how to use Google 2 months ago eh!

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We send you all warm wishes for a merry Christmas and new year!
See you in 2016!!

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