emotions

All posts tagged emotions

She’s in a grump, but Im happy!

Published September 15, 2014 by thefamilyof5

Well, middle girl has come out of school in a right grump today. ‘what’s the matter?’ I asked as she glared at me.

I’m too hot, she scowled.

Sometimes we feel hot when we’re a bit stressed out, I said, do you think you might be feeling a bit stressed out middle girl? I enquired.

My teacher didn’t say Thank You when I gave her the books, she moaned.

The man on the radio said it would rain and it didn’t, she ranted.

I missed playing bench ball at pe because Miss xyz took too long doing my group work, she grunted.

Poor middle girl, sounds like she’s had a bad day doesn’t it.

I’m just super happy that even though she’s grumpy and moody and not much fun right now, she trusted me enough to tell me all of that and didn’t give me her usual silent treatment and dirty looks!

We’re getting there, I must be doing something right! 😀

 

mothers day

Published March 29, 2014 by thefamilyof5

mothers day

the day we’re reminded.

the day they remember the mother they lost.

the day i remember i’m not the mother i’d hoped.

the day they show me im not the mother they ‘need’.

the day im made to feel less of a mother.

the day some morn for the mothers they’ve lost.

the day some morn for the mothers they never became.

a day i dont even consider important enough for capital letters.

mothers day is a day tinged with sadness for so many.

She needed my cuddles.

Published August 8, 2013 by thefamilyof5

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I love it when they NEED me. It doesn’t happen often sadly but when it does, I enjoy every nano second.

Baby girl got a little overwhelmed in the park yesterday, after a bump we had giggles, strops and then she finally let down her barriers a few minutes later cried and fell in to my arms. I don’t think the tears were for the bump, although I’m not denying it would have hurt a bit at least, but I think the sudden rush of emotions took her by surprise. Pain, fear, embarrassment, panic, hopelessness, and probably more.

Her sister came to cheer her up by giving her a caterpillar to hold. Her smile returned, her confidence did not. She clung to me for most of the day after that, unsure, exhausted and wanting to be held.  I enjoyed being needed.

Emotional Web

Published May 28, 2013 by thefamilyof5

I’m not sure where I’m going with this blog so I’ll apologise in advance for my ramblings.

The girls were like a ‘pack’ when they first came home, they stuck together like glue. They built a wall around themselves and stuck together. They protected themselves. Over time, and I mean a lot of time, they allowed us (mommy and daddy) in, they allowed us to join their pack and sometimes they accepted me as the leader of the pack. Almost 3 years later and I am the leader of our pack, daddy comes in second with big girl very close behind him followed by baby girl and then middle girl. But when we’re out, in a park, at a party, in a crowd, at camhs, they retreat to the safety of there ‘pack’ once again and their impenetrable wall reappears and keeps those around them away with the exception of course to those of us lucky enough to have already gained some of their trust.

But the girls still always share something unique, they’re ‘connected’ and I don’t mean just biologically but something else, they ‘feel’ each others emotions, they ‘become’ each others emotions, their emotions are ‘as one’. It very odd so I’m finding it difficult to explain.

I ‘feel’ the girls emotions. I feel quite ‘in tune’ with them and can easily sense/see when something isn’t right, just like any other mum I guess. But what they share with each other is something else, they don’t even have to be together to ‘sense’ each other. Remember the day they all independently excused themselves from class, well that happens a lot, not removing themselves from class, but doing/being the same, even when they’re not together. There moods always seem to ‘match’, they even wake up in the same moods. When 1 is tired, they all seem to be tired, when 1 is stroppy, they all seem to be stroppy, when 1 is anxious, they all seem to be anxious, they ‘feel’ what their sisters ‘feel’, its always the same.

Its quite bizarre.

Its like they’re sat on the same web of emotions creating a ripple effect over each other.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

The Educational Psychologist – 3rd appointment

Published May 11, 2013 by thefamilyof5

Friday, baby girl and I met with the educational psychologist at school. It was the first time baby girl met her. The purpose of the meeting was to explore baby girls understanding of her feelings with a view to being able to identify when she’s ‘loosing control’.

I was a little cautious about this idea because I’m not sure baby girl is ready to ‘take care of her self’ she’s still showing me she wants me ‘to take care of her’, none the less I was still quite excited at this new idea, well that was until I attempted to explore baby girls knowledge and understanding of feelings in preparation for the appointment. Aside from happy and sad she didn’t seem able to think about any other kinds of feelings, and even happy and sad were a little hazy.

So, we started the session by talking about happy and sad and what things made baby girl feel that way. Other than ‘playing’ for happy and ‘not playing’ for sad, she struggled to come up with any other suggestions, even with some prompting.
Between the Educational Psychologist and myself we managed to devise a list of things that made baby girl happy, and things that made her feel sad.
We then moved on to exploring her understanding of her, sometimes difficult, behaviour, she had no understanding.
We asked her what sorts of things might make her feel worried, panicky, anxious (or ‘un-calm’ as she put it), she didn’t know.
We talked to her about how she feels inside when she’s having a difficult time and feeling un-calm, she didn’t know.
We talked about how mummys cuddles help her to calm down and asked her what other things might help her calm down, she didn’t know.
We some how managed to draw up a 1,2,3 scale of how she looks, from ‘calm to un-calm’, I really don’t think she understood what we were doing and seemed more interested in getting the pen the educational psychologist was using.

The session started with her looking very worried sat on a chair next to me, after lots of wondering about, constantly snatching at the pen, having to be re-focused and reminded to listen she eventually ended up squirming on my lap, baby voice and all with my stroking her back and trying to calm her down.

I took baby girl back to class and returned to the meeting.

The educational psychologist agreed with me that she didn’t feel baby girl was going to be able to recognise her own feelings and would need the grown ups around her to help her with this. I pointed out that I already do this at home and generally I’m able to manage baby girl quite well by preventing her from becoming dysregulated in the first place, but in school there isn’t anyone to recognise her anxiety, what triggers it or even to help her to calm down. She asked that I work with baby girl on the 1,2,3 chart at home and said she felt it was also important that it was implemented in school too. She commented that for baby girls age she would have expected a much better understanding of feelings and would be asking the school to provide her with extra support with this.

She’s going to contact me with a date for our next appointment, she said it could be as far away as September when baby girl enters her new class?!

In the mean time I’ve spoken to our gp and requested a referral to the community paediatrician to investigate my concerns over possible sensory issues she may have. If she does have some sort of sensory processing disorder or sensory issue, it may explain why she can easily become dysregulated, and may also be the reason she needs 12- 13 hours a night sleep!

For now, we must wait for the next appointment…………..

Picking at it………..

Published September 15, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Picking is becoming baby girls latest obsession. Its likely she does it as a release for her emotions that she locks away inside of her, a common form of self harm/mutilation for traumatised children.

She developed a small blister during the summer holidays and over a period of weeks, in bed, she picked and picked and even though I told her each morning she had to stop, she picked and picked some more until the teeny blister was a huge bleeding, weeping mess over and inch square and preventing her from wearing shoes! Socks for bed was the answer!

Then there was the little pimple on her leg that she picked and picked and picked until it was a huge puss filled scab! A plaster left on for a week was the answer here.

And now there’s the small bump behind her ear where her earring pressed in over night a couple of weeks ago. She rubbed it, and scratched it and picked it until we discovered it, by then it had weeped and bled so much that her hair and earring became entangled into a huge crusty congealed mess behind her ear. We cleaned it up, we applied cream and a plaster every day, it had almost healed so we stopped applying the cream and the plasters a few days ago, that is until today. She’s picked it again, almost as badly as before. Out came the TCP, it stung, she cried, and now I’m just hoping it hurt enough for her to not pick it again.

CAMHS therapy hasn’t even touched the surface of her yet, perhaps baby girl permanently wearing gloves and socks is to be our only answer!

Bubble, Bubble Toil and Trouble

Published June 22, 2012 by thefamilyof5

The defiance, disgust and anger is no longer simmering, its bubbling away at a rapid pace, I’m not sure how long she can keep it under control…………

I’m talking of course about my middle girl. Over the last 2 years she’s suppressed her feelings and emotions and stayed hidden behind her huge fake smile. On occasion she’s allowed me to see the odd glimpse of what I can only describe as ‘disgust’. Lately I’m seeing more and more of this, there’s also the defiance as she stares me dead in the eye whilst telling me yet another ludicrous lie and the anger and look of pure rage as she’s dealt the consequences of her actions.

She’s like a volcano that’s been rumbling and is now bubbling, there’s anger and rage seeping through her pores, and I don’t know how much longer she’ll be able to hold it all in, I think an eruption is imminent!

Time to run, hide and take cover?
I wish!

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