confidence

All posts tagged confidence

I’m just not very creative mummy…..

Published January 5, 2016 by thefamilyof5

So baby girl sat next to me today at the craft table at the home ed group we attend.

‘I’m just not very creative mummy’ she said to me, whilst coming up with an idea and making a snow globe with no input from me at all!

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Honestly, I can’t tell you how well Home Education is working for these girls of mine! They’re flourishing!

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Working hard…….

Published December 21, 2015 by thefamilyof5

I just wanted to write a quick update because something wonderful happened today. My big girl, the one that lacks all confidence in her ability and would rather not ‘try’ than risk failure, well, she decided to ‘write a story’ today.

It might not sound like much, but for her, this independant choice to ‘write’ and give story writing a try is huge progress! Especially since we’d decided to ‘break up’ for christmas over a week ago!

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Im so proud of how far she has come in such a short period of time, her confidence has grown so much!

She isn’t the only one. My mum today commented on the positive changes she has seen in all of the girls, they’re more focused, more relaxed and are all eager to learn. She also commented on the massive changes in middle girl who’s confidence has really grown, she’s really starting to find her voice more!

I’ll leave you with these pictures of their wonderful Christmas crafts, they may not look like much, but they each, independently carried out their own Google searches to find an idea they liked and then followed the instructions provided, with NO help!! Pretty impressive for kids that didn’t know how to use Google 2 months ago eh!

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We send you all warm wishes for a merry Christmas and new year!
See you in 2016!!

A proud moment…….

Published June 22, 2013 by thefamilyof5

I won’t deny I thought it was out of her reach. Having barely scraped through for her last (50mtr) distance badge I thought the chances of her being able to swim double the distance was optimistic at best. I was nervous about how she would react to the ‘failure’, her self esteem already low, another knock could set her back so far. So I kept reminding her that as long as she did her best nothing else mattered.

But big girl proved me wrong and got her 100mtr swimming badge this week!

Her technique was, shall we say, ‘interesting’, but her determination to succeed was faultless!

I think I’m more proud of her determination than her achievement, this is the girl that 3 years ago refused to even ‘try’ to achieve anything for fear of failure!

Very proud of my big girl!

School Trips, Talent Shows & Stress!

Published April 12, 2013 by thefamilyof5

The School Trip

Big girl struggles with all things related to school. At the beginning of the year there was a 3 day residential trip. (I dont think I’ve blogged about it, but please forgive me for repeating myself if I have). As soon as I found out about the trip last year I had reservations about whether big girl would cope. She’d never spent a night away from us since she came home and I certainly didn’t think 2 nights away with school would be her ideal first sleep over, but still, I kept an open mind. The letters came out several weeks before Christmas. ‘please can I go?’ she asked. We chatted, I told her that I was worried that she wouldn’t like sleeping away from home and would be awake all night and then feel anxious all day. I suggested that we dropped her off and collected her each day so that she could sleep at home. ‘I really want to go, please can I go?’ she begged and pleaded until in the end I agreed that if she really wanted to go and felt it was something she could handle, then she could go.

A few weeks later I wrote the cheque and put it in an envelope and left it ready to take to school. I popped to the shop that evening just before bedtime. Big girl spotted the envelope on the unit just before bed and asked Daddy what it was, so he told her it was the money for her trip and off she went to bed. That was a Friday night. From Friday to Monday she had around 12hours sleep in total. Every night that weekend She struggled to sleep, I’d go up to her room to ask her if she was ok and each time she would say she was fine. By Monday morning she was a jibbering mess and was crying and unable to tell me why. I’ll cut a very long and distressing Monday morning of missing school short, to tell you that in the end she blurted out that she actually didn’t want to go on the school trip afterall and had been worried about it all weekend. Needless to say that I reassured her that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do and I would book her the 3 days off school as holiday. And I did. I might add that until the actual day of the school trip came, and passed, she didn’t fully trust that I would keep my promise, but when the day arrived, she sighed a huge sigh of relief.  And so did I.

The Talent Show

A few weeks ago big girl came home from school with a letter to enter a talent show, ‘Please can I do it?’ she asked. Here we go again I thought. I was right, everything that happened with the school trip happened all over again, she begged, and pleaded, I told her of my concerns, she pleaded some more, I relented and signed the form. The talent show was/is to take place some time after Easter half term the letter said. Over Easter half term  she was stressy, stroppy, tired and irritable and the self harming habits returned.  After many nights of no sleep and many many difficult days, she finally blurted out that she didn’t want to do the talent show afterall.

Big girl so desperately wants to fit in at school.

Next time she presents me with something I don’t think she will cope with, I will go with my gut reaction and say no.

 

Hello, please understand me……………..

Published July 11, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I’m planning on being a bit more proactive this year than I previously have. I’m putting together a booklet for each of the girls new teachers ready for September in the hope that they will be able to support and understand their needs.

I’ve printed off a copy of this ‘Understanding Why’ booklet produced by the National children’s Bureau and I’ve included a cover sheet to personalise it.

Big girls introduction goes something like this…………………..

Hello My name is XXXXX

My mummy has put together this little booklet to help you understand me.

In 2010 I came to live with my new mummy and daddy, I’m finding it quite hard to settle and trust my new mummy and daddy,  I am trying very hard and CAMHS are helping me with this. I’ve had a very difficult start in life and this has meant that I’ve developed a little differently to other children, I’m emotionally and socially very behind so I might need you to be extra considerate of this sometimes and not expect me to be the same as the other children my age.

Sometimes the adults in my early life did things to make me feel scared and frightened. I will always do my best to keep the adults around me happy by keeping them close, being extra helpful and chatting to them. This sometimes means I forget to just be a little girl and do little girl things so I might need you to help me do things children do, rather than things adults do. I sometimes forget the differences between adults and children and might try to get you to be my friend instead of my teacher, I’ll need you to make sure this doesn’t happen but please be careful not to reject me, I’ve suffered enough rejection my mummy says.

I find school very difficult, it is big and busy and noisy and I don’t always cope with this very well. Sometimes I feel scared and frightened but I don’t know how to tell you this so I need you to keep a close eye on my behaviour and my mood.

Classrooms can be quite scary for me. There are children all around and people walking around outside and up and down the corridors. Please help me by sitting me close to you and with my back to a wall and not a door, that way I don’t need to be worried about what’s going on behind me. My hearing is really good, I developed this early on as a way to keep myself safe, this means that I may become easily distracted by other noises inside and outside of the classroom, please don’t be annoyed with me, I’m just trying to keep myself safe.

I don’t have much confidence and my self-esteem is rock bottom my mummy says, so sometimes when you ask me to try to do something I’m so scared of getting it wrong and upsetting you that I choose not to even try. I will need you to gently encourage me, but please don’t try and force me as this will scare me.  I will always try to keep you happy as that’s when I will feel safest. So just because I say I understand what my homework is, it doesn’t mean I really do, I just don’t want to annoy you.

Sometimes when it looks like I’m having lots of fun and behaving ‘silly’, I’m actually very anxious and need your help to calm me down and reassure me that everything is ok. I will worry about topics, new tasks and tests. I will find it really hard to talk or read in front of the class so please don’t make me if I don’t want to. When I’ve learnt to trust you I might feel a bit braver and more willing to try.  I also might get worried if someone new comes into the classroom or even if I see a new face in the corridor, I might worry it’s a social worker coming to take me away. I might get worried about trips or new activities and will need you to explain to me exactly what is going to happen and what I will be doing and who will be keeping me safe, but if you can, please don’t tell me too early as I may worry about it at night when I’m trying to sleep. If I get really anxious, please let me know I can ring my mummy, sometimes just suggesting it is enough reassurance to let me know I’m safe and it’s all ok.

I find the playground very scary. I don’t really know how to make friends and I’m scared that if I try to be someone’s friend that they might not like me. There hasn’t been much in my life that I’ve been able to control so I prefer to do things  my way as that’s when I feel safest, the other children don’t always want to do things my way and I find this frustrating and sometimes get angry. I’m not very good at coping with or recognising my feelings and will need you to help me with this.

It would really help my mummy if you could tell her about any upsets, sulks or strops I have at school. I don’t like telling my mummy when I’ve had a bad day as I worry she might be disappointed with me. Mummy likes to help me when I’ve been finding things difficult by keeping me close and calm so I can feel safe again.

My mummy has put this book together to help you understand me, I hope you will read it. If you want to talk to my mummy about anything in this book or anything you see me doing or hear me saying, she will be happy to chat, she can talk about me for hours and she knows me better than anyone else.

My mummy has put a complete copy of this booklet in the back page for you to keep if you want to, but please give this book back to mummy so she can give it to my next teacher.

I hope we have a lovely time learning together.

I’ll try anything to help make my girls lives easier and school is one of the biggest things they struggle with.

Fingers crossed that this helps.

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