All posts tagged chocolate

Photo Challenge #FO5photo Day 21

Published December 11, 2014 by thefamilyof5

Today is day 21, the theme for today is ‘Reflection’.

Been an awful day. My morning started with a tantrum from big girl before school.

Then a very draining meeting with EHC co-ordinater that involved me spending 2 hours telling her about all the awful things that big girl endured during her time living with her birth family, and then again in foster care, and then describing the effects that all this has had on her and in-turn the effects it has on all of the family. Thinking about, and talking about so much trauma and heartache is more draining that I thought.

Then tonight, after school, another 2 and half hour tantrum from her.

So this is my feeble contribution, the reflection of light on my chocolate (self care) wrapper………………

My tea tonight.......... :(

My tea tonight………. 😦




The Supermarket Challenge

Published March 30, 2013 by thefamilyof5

A conversation that took place today whilst trying to attempt a trip to Sainsburys………

Me: right let’s go, can you carry the bag for me please baby girl
Big girl: do we need 2 bags?
Me: no one will be fine.

*we get in the car

Baby girl: can we get a trolley?
Me: yes a small one
Baby girl: but I wanted to sit in it *sulks
Big girl: can I get the trolley cause she’s carrying the bag, its fair then
Me: yes ok
Baby girl: I didn’t want the bag *sulks
Big girl: can I push the trolley
Me: no I’ll push the trolley
Big girl: oh I thought I could push it *sulks
Baby girl: if we get some shopping can I put it in the trolley
Me: yes you can help me
Big girl: we could take it in turns so its fair
Me: yes ok
Baby girl: can I give the shopping to the lady?
Me: yes you can help me
Big girl: can I put the shopping in the bag?
Me: yes you can help me
Big girl: if we need bread can I choose it?
Me: we don’t need bread
Baby girl: we might need cake?
Me: we don’t need cake
Big girl: can I carry your bag?
Me: no I’ll carry it because it has money inside
Baby girl: can I carry the keys

Me: *insert therapeutic reply (what I said certainly wasn’t therapeutic)

* we arrived at Sainsburys

The conversation continued along the same lines with lots of ‘can we get’ ‘I like’ and ‘those look yummy’ etc.

Next time, I’m going alone! I only needed Cream Eggs!

I Need………

Published September 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I need so many things right now its becoming totally overwhelming.

I need to understand what big girls pending ASD diagnosis will mean

I need to know what to do about baby girls obsessive picking

I need to know how to handle middle girls persistent bad behaviour in bed

I need baby girls teacher to understand her needs and regulate her instead of allowing her to constantly make bad choices

I need the lunch time staff to stop baby girl from throwing her lunch away

I need teachers to tell me when there have been issues during the day

I need more than 1hr slots every few weeks with CAMHS

I need more hours to our evening routine

I need baby girl assessed for her needs so we can help her to focus at school

I need enough money to extend our home so middle and baby girl don’t have to share bedrooms

I need a detached house so I don’t have to worry about neighbour noises waking the girls at night

I need girls that tell me when somethings wrong, I can’t keep dragging stuff from them its exhausting for all of us

I need girls that sleep or at least try to sleep

I need to find a way to de-stress before I burst

I need to be able to eat a meal without getting indigestion

I need to be able to collect my girls from school without worrying about what sort of moods they’re in

I need to be able to walk around my house at night without waking my ridiculously light sleeping girls

I need the time and energy to be a wife as well as a mother

I need a post adoption team to support us

I need to be able to sleep instead of lying awake thinking about all the things I need and can’t have!

And I need the biggest bar of chocolate in the world, right here, right now!

Counselling Stress

Published August 8, 2012 by thefamilyof5

So, tonight I had my first counselling session.
And probably my last.

The therapist, who had an annoying, and probably stress related, repetitive tic/face scrunch type thing going on, really didn’t know anything about adoption but assumed her many years as a single parent of 2 now grown up secure, well adjusted, attached children, qualified her to tell me how to parent my traumatised, unattached, insecure children.
What’s that saying, you know the one about assuming and it making an Ass out of U and Me!

So any way, after she’d asked me to talk about ‘what ever you want to’, she told me that parenting is hard, ‘she should know having always been a single mum of 2’, she also told me not to worry as ‘all kids do that’. I explained that my girls are compliant, and that they never ‘give any part of themselves to me’. She told me the way to get my kids to talk about their feelings was to bribe them with sweets in a jar high on a shelf.

No I didn’t punch her in the face, but I wanted too.

I got momentarily distracted by someone walking past in the street below and wondered if I could pretend it was a long lost relative, thus having to leave. I could run outside and pretend to be reunited with them. The fact that it was a drunken pensioner that quite frankly looked a bit scary, put me off so I decided to wait it out, it had to be almost time to leave, I was sure of it, she’d rambled on about her life for a good 20 minutes, 5 minutes to fill the ‘mental health’ questionnaire out, couple more minutes for her to read it, 3 minutes of me talking. I realised then that we were probably only half way through!

So, back to it. To add further insult to injury she gave me a ‘parenting’ fact sheet. It was entitled ‘Fulfilling the Emotional Needs of the Child’.

1. Unconditional love. There was so much I could have said about this, but I bit my tongue.
2. Respect. Durr, clearly!
3. Praise. My tongue was gushing with blood by now.
4. Time & Effort. I almost bit my tongue clean off.
5. Boundaries. Seriously, where did she get this all from, perhaps, it certainly wasn’t from any adoption or special needs specific resource!

She then recommended a book, I was a little distracted from the throbbing pain coming from my tongue so I didn’t quite catch the title, but it was something like ‘being a good mother’. And from what I gathered it was about the pressure’s mothers put themselves under to be the very best mother they can, and why this isn’t always ‘being a good mother’. So after reassuring her that I wasn’t a ‘good mother’ and that I was comfortable with that, she moved on to offer me strategies to ‘handle stress’. This week she said she’d give me a relaxation cd, and next week we could discuss more idea’s. Did she think the excitement of ‘more idea’s’ would ensure my return?!

Honestly, what an utter waste of 90p parking and 50 minutes of my life! Yes 50 minutes, not the hour it should have been, she even short changed me on my time allowance! Not that I was going to complain and ask for longer!

Now…………………. where’s that huge, stress relieving, body widening, chocolate bar?

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