Happy tears are something big girl struggles to understand, why would you cry if your happy afterall.
She had a very bad nights sleep last night, in fact, I’m not sure she slept at all. So this morning whilst we were getting ready for school I took the opportunity to ask her if there was something the matter (I’d also asked her this in the night when I’d seen her struggling to sleep). She said the usual ‘nothing’. So I asked what she thought she might have been thinking about that was keeping her awake, she um’d and ah’d and um’d and ah’d some more, she very clearly wanted to say something but just wasn’t quite sure.
*I felt anxious and worried that I’d missed something and she’s been struggling alone with some huge worry.
Then she said
‘You know how we was born from (insert birth mum’s name) tummy, but she couldn’t do the mummy job very well’
*I felt panic, I was sure she was going to tell me she missed her, or wished she’d done a better job so she’d never had to leave, or that she now wanted to go and live with her.
Then she said
‘I wished we’d been born from your tummy’
*I burst in to tears
She looked horrified momentarily until I reassured her they were happy tears. We cuddled and I told her that also wished that they’d all been born out of my tummy and that even though I was crying, they were happy tears because what she’d said made me feel very happy inside.
Of all my girls she is the one I least expected to hear that from, in fact I’ve been subtly preparing myself for the time when she tell’s me she doesn’t want to live with us any more and wants to live with her birth mummy, because that’s what I’ve always felt she ‘felt’. I’ve never ever felt that she ‘wanted’ me to be her mummy.
Seems I got her all wrong. It also shows how very little my girls ‘give’ me and how much of what I think I know, I’ve had to ‘guess’.
She beamed her way in to school today!
And I beamed with her!