The trouble with 3 is that someone always gets left out!
I have only 2 hands that can be held.
1 feels rejected.
I have only 2 sides to sit beside.
1 feels frustrated.
I have only 2 knees on which to sit.
1 feels left out.
None of this is acceptable for my girls, the rejection they feel is amplified by their insecurities and lack of self worth. Its potentially very damaging.
3 attention demanding, competitive children don’t leave any space for 1:1 time, even reading a book with one is usually too much of an ask with some sort of problem requiring my immediate attention, thus taking me away from someone else. There is no sibling loyalty or compassion when it comes to attention, it’s every man (girl) for themselves, at any cost.
My girls ALL need ALL of me and anything less is never enough.
Considering cloning myself.
The trouble with 3, is that there is only 1 of me.
I had a meeting today with the psychologist from the ASD place that’s working with us to address big girls sleep issues, yes she struggles to sleep too, its not just middle girl!
However, I’m not blogging about big girls sleep or middle girls, I want to tell you about my meeting, well not even really the meeting but more some of the things that the sleep psychologist said to me.
She said those words that all adopters loath to hear ‘all kids do that’ but then she added something very important, she said ‘but with your girls very more so’. She gets it!
She talked about competitiveness and how most kids are competitive, but how its more extreme with kids from backgrounds like my girls! She gets it!
She talked about attention seeking and how all kids do it, but with children like mine its so much more intense and difficult to handle. She gets it!
She empathised and validated everything I said! It was really quite surreal, if I didn’t know better I’d say she was an adoptive parent herself!
I’ve never come away from a meeting and felt that the professional I’d seen really ‘got it’, but she did!
I often struggle to find ways to explain how parenting my girls is different to parenting a birth child, its so complex that I struggle to find a simple explanation. A good friend of mine shared with me what I consider to be a wonderfully perfect analogy of adoptive parenting.
Apples and Onions
As parents we all grow our children, many are apples, few are onions, growing our children is in many ways the same, but with onions its more complex because they have so many layers, therefore it is different!
There are so few that really ‘get it’, let’s spread the word! 🙂