Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something:relations have to be built on trust
I have spent the last 6 years trying to earn the trust of my girls, we’ve engaged in services designed to encourage the relationship and promote trust. I have engaged with professionals from various departments always maintaining a very open relationship. Secrets aren’t helpful are they. Helping my girls has always been my one and only agenda.
I have spent the last 6 years trusting that the professionals and support services around us were focused on supporting us to the best of their ability. I have been open, honest and trusting. I have placed my faith in the system.
I made a SAR (subject access request – request for files) with the placing authorities adoption department last year. I also made one with our local authorities education department last month and the high school we withdrew big girl from last October. They made for interesting reading to say the least.
Trust. Seems it is possible to be too trusting.
I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to place my trust in the very ‘systems’ designed to help and support us. It seems their agenda is different to mine. Theirs involves a lot of finger pointing, back covering, box ticking and secrets it seems.
How can I help my girls to invest their trust in me, in this world that we live in, how can they know who they can turn to for help, when even I am unsure of who I can trust and who I can turn to for help.
So baby girl sat next to me today at the craft table at the home ed group we attend.
‘I’m just not very creative mummy’ she said to me, whilst coming up with an idea and making a snow globe with no input from me at all!
Honestly, I can’t tell you how well Home Education is working for these girls of mine! They’re flourishing!
So this is middle girl, well, not all of her, just her feet!
Aside from noticing her odd shaped toes (I have a foot ‘thing’, they’re all gross, yes even yours!), you will also be able to see her amazing Loom Band creation! (I hate loom bands too!!).
“So what?” you might think, but when I tell you that she went to her bedroom, switched on her Blackberry Playbook, used Google to look for what she wanted to make and then followed the instructions, not once but 6 times!!!! (Yes she’s made lots, perhaps a little obsessively, or maybe just enjoying her own ability to create something of her own). Then perhaps you’ll realise why I’m feeling so proud of those manky feet and the person they belong to right now. 🙂
She’s tackled the Internet (even this is a new thing for her), found the result she wanted, followed the instructions, persevered and worked completely without ANY help at all!! (I can’t make that weird stuff, no point in asking me for help lol)
Pretty impressive huh! Especially given her language, memory and processing difficulties!
Feeling very proud right now!
This is a really great article and the more of it I read, the more I understood and the more. I felt validated.
“Regular exposure to their child’s trauma leaves parents vulnerable to secondary trauma.”
I’ve talked before about trauma and it’s lasting effect on the brain, but here it is explained so much better and 1st hand!
I’ve recently applied to the placing authority for copies of all the information they hold on record about my girls and their lives before we became a family. I’d like to think these reports will hold some answers about what their ‘scent of a lion’ might look/feel like.
The Scent of a Lion: Trauma and the Brain.
Wow! What an amazing service!
‘The Open Nest is a creative, forward thinking charitable project born from personal experiences of the adoption and long term fostering of traumatised children. We aim to address the gap in the provision of specialist support services to adopted children who have anxiety and trauma related behaviours and in doing so support families in a meaningful and empathic way.’
Read all about their wonderful solutions here:
I love family traditions, but we don’t really have many, in fact I can’t think of any. Being a fairly new family we haven’t had time to form any ‘traditions’ as such.
I bought the girls a lovely advent calendar this year. Each day there is a little book to read, as a collection they tell the story of the ‘Nutcracker’.
They’re really enjoying hearing a teeny instalment of the story each day. Could this be a new christmas tradition, I’d like to think so.
I’ve linked up with this weeks ‘Memory Box’ over at The Adoption Social.