Here’s big girl, in half term last week, playing with her baby doll, her favorite thing to do.
When she goes to school, even though it’s a special school, she feels a huge amount of pressure to ‘be’ her 14 chronological years.
Big girl is a 6-7yr old in a teenagers body, what you see is just a facade. People see a teenager and interact accordingly. The girls in her class assume she can handle their friendship woes and talks about their teenage worries, they even ask her for advice. The boys see a pretty girl and flirt, expect an appropriate reaction when they flirt with her despite her not really know what flirting is, or what it means. The teachers see an academically able, smiling teenager and wonder why she’s in their school so they load her up with expectation and responsibility.
She’s crumbling under the weight of other peoples expectations and pressure.
She so desperately wants to fit in, and her mimicking skills give her the drive to respond as expected. Thus creating the illusion, and with it comes increased expectation and pressure.
Life overwhelms big girl constantly. She is unable to manage her emotions. She doesn’t understand them. She can’t verbalise them. She can’t self regulate. She erupts. Violently.
In an ideal world she’d have stayed in primary school forever, I even remember expressing this view when the time came to move. Primary school age is where she has always been most comfortable and she has never progressed from this. Yet she is academically able.
She came home from school today a jibbering wreak of psychotic hyperness. Laughing manically, high pitched voice, strange gestures and mannerisms, not making any sense. It quickly moved to anger.
I don’t know how you help a child who can’t cope with the life society expects of her which then makes her expect it of herself?!
The numbers just don’t add up.
Where does someone with those numbers feel like they fit in?!