Archives

All posts for the month October, 2018

#NAW2018 National Adoption Week Innit!

Published October 15, 2018 by thefamilyof5

So, apparently it’s national adoption week, it’s pending arrival passed me by. I’ve been preoccupied talking with emergency social workers, police men, mental health professionals and tending to my bruised body, broken heart and traumatised children.

So here we are, it’s that special week every year that organisations and champions really push adoption in what’s basically a recruitment drive. The stories of the children who ‘only need a loving home’ to grow up in, or the siblings that ‘want a new mommy and daddy’, or the child that ‘just needs to be loved’, you know how it goes. Tag lines, catchy phrases, heart wrenching photos of sad looking children that just want to be loved.

We have a loving home, plenty of love to share. Our 3 easy to place (apparently) children got their new mummy and daddy. Doesn’t stop the trauma. Doesn’t stop the violence. Doesn’t stop the heartache.

Well, I’m done with #NAW, I’m done with organisations painting pretty fairy tale pictures and avoiding the truth of the matter. Adoption is NOT for the feint of heart! Its nothing like parenting a birth child! Its a relentless battle for help that no one’s prepared to pay for! Its being blamed, judged and shunned! Its emotionally and physically exhausting! (I’m not even sure exhausting is a strong enough word?!).

I’m tired of fighting for my children, for the support they need and deserve and being passed from pillar to post, blamed or ignored.

Would I recommend adoption? No, never. I love my children with all my heart and I will never give up on them, but would I recommend it? No. Uh Uh, no way!

If all those organisations that use money and power to push this drive every year for new recruits, instead used that power and money to push for better support and understanding, maybe less adopters would feel so let down and misled, maybe more children would get the support and understanding they need and more people would be making informed choices to adopt.

*Sorry if this isn’t the fairy tale post you hoped for, it’s been a really rough few weeks (more like 8years!!) and my positivity appears to have gone missing (died a slow painful death!).

Advertisements

Ground Hog Day

Published October 4, 2018 by thefamilyof5

Do you remember when you child was 5? Or 6? Or even 7?

Do you remember how hard parenting was (and how you thought that was the worst bit and then they became teens)?

Do you remember all the ‘why?’ questions? Supervising tooth brushing, making sure they’d washed their faces before bed and their hands after visiting the bathroom, picking up the dirty washing from their bedroom floors and tripping over the toys left strewn about. Opening the toy cupboard and everything falling out, the toys that got ‘accidently broken’ and the ones that mysteriously appeared after school, or a play date (or visit to the shop). The endless pile of mini figures and plastic animals.

The talks about how the story from that weeks children’s TV programme wasn’t real and pigs couldn’t really wear boots and jump in puddles. Or the times you listened to them telling you how their best friend was mean because they played with someone else that day. When their understanding of the world was so limited. When they didn’t have the ability to tell you how they felt so they just chucked some toys about instead. When you had to read between the lines to spot the bad behaviour was because they were feeling unwell. Reminding them not to talk with their mouths full and to blow their hot food. Using sports bottles because cups got knocked over so much. Reminding them to sit in car safely and watching as they wave to the police man as he passed on the other side of the road. Having to supervise them around the fire or the cooker so they didn’t get burnt, having to remind them to stop look and listen when crossing the road and to pause at commas and stop at full stops when they read their books.

And then they had a birthday and a new year of new challenges and milestones arrived, but you knew it was ok, because it wouldn’t be forever.

Well it seems these have been stuck for 8 years. I don’t have to tie piggy tales any more (they’re almost taller than me) but I still have to remind them to brush their hair, tie their shoe laces, wash their hands, not to touch the hot oven, look before crossing the road etc etc I still have very young children, but they’re now in teen size bodies with all the other complexities that come with hormones and adolescence. It’s been like ground hog day, every day, for years.

I’m really exhausted.

%d bloggers like this: