Being an adoptive parent means having to constantly fight for what our children need. It’s never easy. Putting on that brave face, that armor every day, means it can sometimes be too hard to let that more vulnerable side of us be seen. There are some things you will never hear an adopter say…………………
I’ll never tell you to stop telling me about your child’s latest achievements, but its sometimes just a tough reminder for me of the things my own children are not achieving right now.
I wont tell you how much of a failure you make me feel, every time you say ‘all kids do that’.
I wont tell you how utterly out of my depth I feel with all this attachment and trauma stuff, I’ll just smile as I confidently explain it all to you.
I wont tell you that I cried myself to sleep last night or the night before, you’ll just hear me say tomorrow is a new day.
I wont tell you how hard it is, every day or how I’m not the lioness everyone thinks I am.
I wont tell you how much I worry for the future and cry about the past.
I wont tell you that I’m lonely, that I haven’t seen or spoken to another adult outside of my family for weeks, I might just casually suggest we catch up soon, hiding the desperation from my voice.
You wont hear me say I feel like I failed my children today when I shouted and saw that look of terror in their faces, you’ll just hear me say ‘we’re fine thanks’.
You’ll never hear me scream ‘I cant do this’, unless your inside my head that is.
I wont tell you the real reason I don’t sleep at night.
I wont tell you that the highest aspiration I have for my child is simply that they manage to stay on the right side of the law, instead I’ll joke with you about how they plan to rule the world!
You wont hear me scream and stamp my feet and beg for someone to just listen, you’ll just see me gracefully appealing yet another decision that’s been made for my child.
I’ll never tell you how many times I’ve wished I could just run away and pretend this life wasn’t mine, I’ll just tell you its been a shit day and tomorrow is a new one.
You wont hear me ask for help, I cant, I’m too busy putting on a brave face and fighting my child’s corner, I don’t have time to show you any weakness, heck I don’t even have time to reply to emails.
I will however tell you that this blog was inspired by an article I read today by Ger Renton on themighty.com