Published March 18, 2016 by thefamilyof5


Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something:relations have to be built on trust

I have spent the last 6 years trying to earn the trust of my girls, we’ve engaged in services designed to encourage the relationship and promote trust. I have engaged with professionals from various departments always maintaining a very open relationship. Secrets aren’t helpful are they. Helping my girls has always been my one and only agenda.

I have spent the last 6 years trusting that the professionals and support services around us were focused on supporting us to the best of their ability. I have been open, honest and trusting. I have placed my faith in the system.

I made a SAR (subject access request – request for files) with the placing authorities adoption department last year. I also made one with our local authorities education department last month and the high school we withdrew big girl from last October.  They made for interesting reading to say the least.

Trust. Seems it is possible to be too trusting.

I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to place my trust in the very ‘systems’ designed to help and support us. It seems their agenda is different to mine. Theirs involves a lot of finger pointing, back covering, box ticking and secrets it seems.

How can I help my girls to invest their trust in me, in this world that we live in, how can they know who they can turn to for help, when even I am unsure of who I can trust and who I can turn to for help.


3 comments on “Trust

  • Reassure them and then prove it. Just keep proving it over and over. They will see who has their back when times get tough. Doing this with the system working against you can be a difficult trial but remember that tough times don’t last.

  • You should not teach them to trust a system but definitely to trust loved ones. You know there are challenges now you can teach them to advocate better for themselves now that you see what the systems is looking out for

  • Why am I not surprised? How many of us are so consumed with excitement that we forget the basics at adoption? I know we did. We were lucky and have a remarkably resilient young person, but it wasn’t anything to do with the information we were given at placement. We need to educate adopters to ask the right questions, not too accept fudges, and press for full information. Our best information came from his FPs, not the SWs.

    You have and continue to achieve remarkable results with your girls all on your own. Just think how much easier it would have been if you had the information you now have at the outset and were able to negotiate a good support package. Keep on going Mrs FoF, you are an inspiration to many.

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