I knew it was going to happen at some point, I knew once we removed ‘school’ from the equation that the girls would all be more able to focus on the real issue at hand, their trauma and loss. I kinda expected it to start with a trickle over the next year or so, perhaps with our therapy sessions becoming more ‘productive’ without all the focus being on ‘school’. I thought maybe over time they’d slowly start to process some of their thoughts and feelings and the healing process could begin.
I didn’t realise it would be such a sudden flow. Wednesday morning of last week big girl started talking about some of her feelings about her past and since then its pretty much not stopped, all 3 girls have been sharing things with me, processing their feelings, asking me questions, telling me how they feel about things, its been quite lovely in a heartbreaking kinda way. They even, for the first time, willingly and without prompting, shared things with our therapist last week!
I knew school was hard for them, and that the anxiety caused by school prevented them from looking further within themselves, I hadn’t realised however that beneath that school anxiety was a whole load of trauma bubbling beneath the surface so desperate to get out. Listening to them tell me worries and seeing them able to process some of those feelings at last is a relief, but its also really hard. My girls have so much sadness and confusion inside them, it really does hurt me to see them hurting so much and to know that for so long they’ve held it all inside.
If you read my last post you may or may not have noticed that I didn’t mention our regular DDP therapy sessions, I’d wanted to write about all this separately. Previously the girls have had fortnightly individual sessions each, so twice a week, whilst 2 were at school, Id take 1 of them to our local community centre to meet with our therapist. Obviously things have had to change now. Having all 3 girls at home has meant that individual sessions at our local community center was no longer possible, as I had no one to have the other 2 whilst a sister had her session. Eager to continue the wonderful work she’s been doing with all of us, our therapist came up with a great solution. We now have weekly sessions at her offices and her assistant works with 2 of the girls whilst me and the other have our regular DDP work with our therapist. The downside to this is the 75 mile round trip (more expense) every week along with me no longer being able to have my own sessions to ‘chat/off load’.
I’m really feeling very positive about our therapy sessions now, I had wondered what we’d talk about now that school wasn’t an issue (that seemed to be all the girls were able to focus on) and now I know. I’m seeing the start of a new journey for them, a journey of understanding, acceptance and security. I see a new future for them now, and its one where they may have been able to heal from some of their hurt!