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All posts for the month August, 2015

Must it always be so hard!?

Published August 27, 2015 by thefamilyof5

I’m starting to buckle a little. You’ll have noticed that I haven’t blogged much lately and that’s partly because we’ve been having a great summer and partly because my head is so stressed out with things that are going on in the background that I struggle to focus long enough to switch my laptop on never mind actually type something.

So here goes, I’m going to off load. If you haven’t followed my blog for a while then this probably wont make much sense to you, If your one of those super bored people that has nothing better to do than read my dreary ramblings, then it will probably, perhaps, maybe, make a bit of sense. Hopefully. Or not.

At the beginning of the year our DDP therapist suggested we look in to having Big girls mental health assessed, her constant high anxiety levels are a huge worry and she may need medical support with this. So I made some calls. 46,799 calls and several letters later, having been passed back and forth between CAMHS and our local ASD service provider for over 6 months, CAMHS finally called today and agreed to see her, the ‘nurse’ is adamant she MUST attend the 1st appointment and is unwilling to see myself and our therapist in the first instance. So not only will this be even more anxiety for Big girl, and quite possibly unnecessarily as there isn’t anything she can tell them that I cant (in fact she wont tell them anything ‘real’ anyway), but the appointment will mean missing time off school after only having being there for a few weeks

The school we chose for Big Girl last year is not a local catchment school. Adopted children are given priority admissions to make it easier for parents to choose the RIGHT school to meet their child’s needs. So we did just that. However, what I didn’t know is that this did not come with provision to support a child getting to the school they need to attend. So I applied to our local authority for help with transport as the school run for all 3 girls is a logistical impossibility. I was told I had to wait until the school place was made official, so around March/April time. They turned down my application. The 5th of August I was advised to appeal. So I have. I’m still awaiting the results of that hearing. There is 2 weeks left until the start of school and I still have no idea how I’m going to get them all where they need to be for the right times. When I applied for an EHC plan for Big girl last year I mentioned to the worker that was completing the assessment that I’d applied for transport to get Big girl to the high school we’d chosen. I wasn’t informed that it could be part of the EHC plan. Instead I was left to fight another battle. Its now too late to get transport incorporated in to her EHC plan apparently.

The placing authority provide us with an adoption allowance, its a sum of money that ensure’s I’m available for the girls appointments and therapy. Its not a lot but given that the girls high level of needs have meant that I’ve been unable to return to work as originally planned, its been a huge help. Over the last 2 years the placing authority have reduced this dramatically, even though our household income has not changed and the girls needs have increased. I received a letter 2 weeks ago, they’re reducing it again, massively. Another appeal.

I saw our GP in July. I requested some urgent help for Big girl for ‘girl stuff’. She received an urgent Pediatric gynecology referral. The referral was ignored. I chased it up. It was ignored some more. Finally we got an appointment for next week (late, but kinda perfect because it was before she goes back to school). I had a letter today. Its been cancelled and re-scheduled for the middle of October. Apparently 4 months is urgent!?

I discovered the other day that the Key worker, at the new High School, that’s been assigned to Big girl as part of her EHC plan has also been assigned to another child who also has a high level of need. So each morning this ‘key worker’ is supposed to be greeting my super stressed compliant daughter and another child who’s needs are displayed far more outwardly (I know this because I’ve met the other child). So my super compliant Big girl who should be starting her day calm and making a connection with a trusted adult, will instead no doubt end up soothing the worries of another stressed out child alongside ‘her’ key worker, whilst her own fears go un-soothed and her day begins with anxiety. No one at High school is currently available to clarify things or reassure me that this isn’t the case and that the Key worker assigned to big girl will in fact be able to offer her undivided attention as I was led to believe. They probably wont be available until the day before school starts.

The day before school starts we get to meet Big girl’s new tutor for the first time. Someone in their infinite wisdom thought it was a good idea to put Big girl in a tutor group with a tutor who was going maternity leave in July. So the extensive transition plan that we worked through for months and months, couldn’t involve meeting her tutor. I honestly am not making this stuff up!

Then there’s the worry about how Middle girl and Baby girl will settle back in to school with their new teachers with the knowledge that Big girl is somewhere else.

Its also time to review both Middle and Baby girls ‘working diagnosis of Autism’, and given how much I upset the local ASD service provider trying to get Big girl some help, I suspect they’ll be wanting get me off their books and out of their hair. It certainly felt that way when I called them today to make the appointments.

Then there’s the possibility that I’ll be applying for an EHC plan for Middle girl soon, really not wanting to leave it till year 6 like I did for Big girl, year 6 is stressful enough I think.

And my cat is poorly. Again. She’s a sickly thing but I do love her so.

This is just the stuff in my head.

Then there is ‘life’ with 3 traumatised children to manage.

Why does everything have to be so hard. I just want to be a mom.

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8 Weeks of summer, 2 to go!

Published August 21, 2015 by thefamilyof5

We’re 8 weeks in to our super long summer holiday and there are still 2 more weeks to go.

We’ve had a great time so far, aside from 1 major episode from Big girl a few days after we broke up from school. I wont go in to too much detail as even though it was horrific at the time, there’s been many weeks of relaxed fun so I’d rather try and put it behind us. We’d been to a zoo, it seems Big Girl saw a bug display and something on it frightened her. She didn’t tell anyone though. Instead she mulled it over inside her head for 3 nights becoming progressively more tired and volatile as each day passed. She wouldn’t open up, no matter how hard we tried. The end result was a massive explosion that lasted 2 days. Lots of violence, aggression and her first ‘running away’.

Scary Bug Grrrrr

        Scary Bug Grrrrr

We did all our uniform shopping at the start of the summer, we got their shoes. Got big girls new high school uniform. We sorted out PE kits. We packed school bags and then put everything away. We took down all the calendars and explained to the girls that we wanted them to forget about the date and the return to school and instead just enjoy the summer. They all agreed this was a good idea. So this is what we’ve done!

Packed & Ready to go!

Packed & Ready to go!

We had a great summer. Lots of lovely day trips, castles, zoo’s, parks, boat trips and a really lovely weeks holiday by the coast. They’ve slept so much better. They’ve been nicer to each other. They’ve been able to concentrate on craft projects, hell, I even did some baking with them that involved them using a sharp knife the other day and no one died!! Madness I know!

VERY naughty (but nice) RockyRoad

VERY naughty (but nice) RockyRoad

We’re now at the end of week 8. We have 2 more weeks to go. Things have starting to get a little more tricky this week. We went to the pub for lunch the other day and the very helpful waitress greeted the girls with ‘how many weeks have you got left before your back at school?’ I could have slapped her, instead I just answered for them with a very over enthusiastic ‘lots and lots and lots’.  Then Baby girl commented on how dark it seemed to be getting at bedtime last night, I casually remarked about how the nights were going to be getting darker as winter got closer. This resulted in a poor nights sleep and her telling me today that she is worried that winter getting closer means it will be time for school soon. Big girl has been generally moody this week, I haven’t been able to fathom out whats the matter with her yet but its triggered anxiety in Middle Girl who also had a poor nights sleep last night because she said she’s been worried that Big girl will get angry again. So today hasn’t been great, 3 tired stressed out kids intent on making each other feel as miserable and stressed out as they do.

Not the S word!!!!

Not the S word!!!!

I fear this is the start of the downward slide. I knew it would come. Id hoped to put it off for longer. We’ve had a really wonderful summer but now its time to batten down the hatches and weather the storm!

 

 

I’ve linked this post up with #WASO over at The Adoption Social

 

Lets talk B.O!

Published August 9, 2015 by thefamilyof5

Can we? is it ok to talk about it?

Body Odor in children is one of those things no one really likes to talk about isn’t it, but, lets make an exception, just for now.

My kids are smelly. Very smelly. Sometimes they’re so smelly that being in the car with them on the way to or from school is almost unbearable.

‘So shower them!!’ I hear you all muttering. Well I do. In fact they are probably 3 of the cleanest kids I know. But they still smell. In fact I’ve known them get out of the shower stinky!

All 3 girls have used roll on deodorants for a few years now. It pained me to buy them deodorant, it seemed so wrong, they were still so young, babies really, but they stank so I bought some. It helped but it didn’t completely fix the issue.

Now I’m no scientist, but I’ve worked out that they sweat, a lot. I don’t know about you but I only really sweat when its hot in the summer (in the UK this isn’t often), or I’m super stressed out.

‘Stressed Out’ yup, that’s it, Stress! My kids stink when they’re stressed.

I’ve noticed something new lately and its made me realise just how bad they stink.

I’ve noticed how nice they smell! I haven’t smelt any BO for weeks! Weeks!! I’m not even kidding!

Nothing has changed with their hygiene routine, they’re no cleaner now than they were before the summer holidays. In fact, Its possible they may even be showering slightly less during the holidays, so they should be more pongy shouldn’t they!?! But they’re not!

Because they’re not stressed, they’re not sweaty!

Noticing all of this has made me really sad. The realisation of just how stressed out my 3 stinky little monkeys must be on an almost daily basis at school is just heartbreaking.

So next time you walk past a stinky kid, don’t be too quick to judge! Maybe they’re just having a rough day!

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