Mummy’s Exhausted

Published November 19, 2014 by thefamilyof5

Sometimes it all just feels too much.

I don’t feel like a mom lately. I feel like a therapist, a psychologist, a referee, an advocate, a PA, an emotional punch bag!

There is too much to remember, too much to keep on top of, too much to explain, too much to figure out, too much to think about, just too much!

All the girls are struggling, it’s been like it for several months now and I feel like I’m running round in circles putting out a constant supply of little fires, but with every fire I extinguish, another two appear, sometimes three.

Baby girl is stressed out to the max, she’s not sleeping, is run down and sucking the life out of me with her demands for attention and control.

Middle girl is stressed out to the max, she’s not sleeping, her skin and nails are showing the signs of stress, yet she keeps pushing me further and further away.

Big girl is stressed out to the max, she’s not sleeping, is run down having daily tantrums and constantly trying to provoke a reaction from me, sometimes she wins.

In the last month I’ve joined a support group for parents of children who self harm, which is basically a bunch of parents sat in a room saying ‘I don’t know what to do’, and a member of staff from CAMHS that says nothing more than ‘well what do you think you should do?’.

I’ve taken all 3 girls, at the same time, to see the gp to ask, no beg for help with their sleep difficulties, there’s none available apparently, but she commended them on being ‘pretty’ and remarked how she hoped they’d come back and see her again soon.

I’ve also contacted the Autism specialists for help with baby girls worries about everything and anything, and middle girls anger and stress which I’m putting down to social difficulties, I have to wait until early 2015 before they’ll see me, never mind the girls.

I’m also in daily communications with the school, but honestly, I’m getting sick of having to tell them about this worry and that worry and this incident and that incident, I must sound like a broken record to them, I’m starting to wonder why we bother, the teachers are working so hard to ‘get it right’ but the minute they remedy one issue, the girls present yet another! Even their ‘key worker’ has said she finds them totally draining some days. Every stress, worry and anxiety seems to be school related. They store them all up and bring them home! They can’t cope with school, and I cant cope with home schooling.

I’m not sure how much longer I can play these games, because that’s what it feels like, I feel like a pawn in a game of chaos!

Mummy’s exhausted!



16 comments on “Mummy’s Exhausted

  • Oh sweetheart. It makes me sad that the only support you’re getting is the virtual kind from your fellow members of the Knackered Mums Club. You deserve so much better. And so do your kids. So do ALL our kids. Hang on in there xxx

  • I can identify! Something that I just thought of, that makes me feel hopeful and want to spit at the same time is: autism and its relations have no cure and if I go at things thinking if only ….or if only….things would be fixed, then I am lost. If I shift my perspective and create an image relating to best case and worst case and then notice that I am somewhere in that range perhaps that helps me to reframe what success and failure as mom, caregiver, 24/7 therapist is. It is difficult to wrangle with the ideas from self and assertions from society(those out there) that I am not enough, and that is why this or that isn’t ‘right’.

  • I feel for you. I have 1 child & have been in your place. How you cope with 3 is brilliant. You put them before yourself which is admirable, but do try to have 5 minutes ‘youtime’ (easier said than done, I know). Just a small bit of info which might help. We had the battles with sleep & could get no outside help as we were ‘under’ Camhs, who were no help either! We were advised (by a doctor off the record), to give him a travel sickness pill at night & it worked. It did help him to shut down & sleep & had no side effects that we noted either. we have now progressed to a diagnosis of ADHD after 7 years of battling, & he has melatonin at night, & we about to star Ritalin (which is another concern in itself). Anyhow ,hope some part of my waffling can help. Take care xx

  • Hello

    I have been following your blog for a while and have great admiration for you and how hard you work for your children. My husband and I adopted our two boys back in 2001 so we have some understanding of what you are facing. We also run Appletree which provides homes, schools and therapeutic interventions for boys and girls aged 6 to 12 years. We have successfully supported adoptive families. We may not be at all what you need but if you want to look at our website and give me a call, I would be happy just to chat.

    Above all though, I think your three girls are very lucky to have such a dedicated Mum.

    All best wishes

    Clair Davies

    [Appletree-Treatment-centre- sm]

    Tel: 015395 60253
    Fax: 015395 61301

    ‘Everyone within Appletree Treatment Centre has a responsibility for,
    and is committed to, safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children
    and young people and for ensuring that they are protected from harm.’

  • I am homeschooling now (after seven years of school), and it is helping my son’s stress levels. Although mine have [somewhat] increased in the meantime he is magically better at reading, making friends, playing, entertaining himself. He is 12. Have you read Terri Dowty’s book on homeschooling ASD children? Or better still Lise Pyles book. We are loving just the fact we can spend so much time outdoors too. It is hard work but opens your eyes to all the ways your child could find life easier and learn into the bargain. Two of mine are still at schoo though.

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