So today baby girl is in a grump, we bumped in to some adopter friends whilst we were out for dinner and I pointed out how all their children were adopted just like they were, she wasn’t too happy about this and I’d imagine there are various reasons behind this, so when we got home from lunch she was even more grumpy, we put a film on but because she didn’t get to choose the film (being controlling because she was feeling anxious) she sulked and informed us in a very dramatic and verbal way that she didn’t like the film we had chosen and didn’t want to watch it, poor daddy took the brunt of it.
‘Ok’ I said ‘come in here with me instead and you can play on your DSi’, so she did, and she huffed and puffed and sulked and mumbled and I ignored it. Eventually after calming down she said she wanted to say sorry to daddy and go and watch the film after all, I explained that I was worried she might mess about and spoil it for her sisters because she was in such a grump, and that I needed to know I could trust her to watch it nicely. Our conversation went like this:
Me: how do I know your not going to spoil it for them?
Baby girl: because you will hear me if I shout and spoil the film
Me: what if I’m not listening though?
Babygirl: but you would NEVER take your ears off us and you will NEVER take your sight off us
Me: is that a good thing or a bad thing? (I was curious about how she felt about this)
Babygirl: it’s a good thing of course, you keep us safe and check on us because your a good mummy if you didn’t we might get lost or hurt and that would not be good at all would it!
Me: ok you can go and watch the film, there will be no warnings though so watch it nicely or its back in here with your DSi.
Off she went, tail between her legs to apologise to daddy for giving him a hard time, before going and settling down to watch the remainder of the film. (which went without a hitch by the way).
Now I know she didn’t address my ‘can I trust you to behave’ question, nor did she reassure me that she would be ‘good’ or promise that she would not spoil the film, infact she told me much more than that, she told me that she needs to know I have my eye on her. I’ve always known this, her behaviour over the last 4 years has shown me, she just cant manage independence and freedom yet, it’s too overwhelming for her and she gets scared, besides, she’s still working hard on mastering ‘dependance’, I just hadnt realised that SHE knew this on a conscious level!
Besides, her reply made me feel so lovely that quite frankly I’d have said yes to anything at that moment!
I know that baby girl NEEDS to know that someone is keeping her safe all the time, and she knows this as well now it seems!
“Dependance provides the stepping stones to Independance” – Louise Bomber