Do you remember the ‘letters to teachers‘ that I did last year, well they were so popular that I felt almost obligated to share this years with you all. I’ve put together booklets for each of the girls new teachers with a covering letter along with Copy of Adoption UK’s Education Now magazine, the Understanding Why brochure from the National Childrens Bureau, a booklet called ‘Lets Learn Together’ from Adoption UK and a few articles that I’ve copied from various Magazines. So here goes!
Hello my name is Baby Girl
My mummy has put together this little booklet to help you understand me.
In 2010 I came to live with my new mummy and daddy. I’ve had a very difficult start in life and this has meant that I’ve developed a little differently to other children my age, I’m emotionally and socially very behind. I also have a working diagnosis of autism, you’ll need to be extra considerate of all of this and not expect me to be the same as the other children, mummy says ‘think aged 3’ and I’ll make more sense.
Sometimes the adults in my early life did things to make me feel very scared and frightened, my life was very chaotic. This means I find it very hard to trust adults around me to keep me safe. Mommy says I feel very anxious a lot of the time in school. When I’m anxious I worry about who will meet my needs, that can mean I spend a lot of time getting your attention, mummy says this can be exhausting sometimes and that it is because I need to know someone is keeping an eye on me. I feel frightened and alone if I think I’ve been forgotten so I will always do something to remind you I’m here. If I get really anxious, please let me know I can ring my mummy, sometimes just suggesting it is enough reassurance to let me know I’m safe and it’s all ok. My mummy is my safe base and I need to know she is there for me.
Sometimes I get worried about food, mummy says I’m obsessed with food especially when I’m stressed. Sometimes I might take other peoples food, mommy says this is because my rational brain is asleep when I’m at school because I’m so stressed out, so my survival brain takes over, this part of my brain doesn’t understand consequences so telling me off will have no effect, it will just frighten me even more. Mommy says the best way to handle me is to prevent me doing things in the first place by keeping a very close eye on me, this makes me feel safer and I am able to think more rationally about my choices. I like it when the TA is close by as she keeps an eye on me in class and this helps me to focus on my work. Mummy also says I’m very clever, super clever in fact, and if you help me to feel safe then I will stop worrying about being safe and will be able to show you just how clever I really am, you’ll be amazed!
I don’t want to talk about my past and my adoption in school, some of it’s very upsetting and sad and I don’t really understand most of it, Mommy says it’s also probably because I’m not feeling secure enough yet and when I am I’ll be happy for the children to know more about me. Mommy says its very important that all the staff in school know that I’m adopted because otherwise they might accidentally say something that could upset me and that could be upsetting for them as well as for me.
I find unstructured time at school a little overwhelming because I can’t regulate my behavior. Mummy says I’m a bit like a bottle of fizzy pop, and the excitement/stress of school shakes me up and up, so you need to help keep me calm so I don’t fizz all over the place. When I’m coping I’m very kind, considerate, thoughtful, chatty and sensitive.
I desperately want to be liked by everyone and to feel like I fit in, this might mean that I play games or with the types of children that scare me, remember inside I’m thinking like a 3 year old so lots of things scare me. I also find friendships very tricky mummy says, she says I’m very vulnerable and can be easily guided by children with strong personalities without me even realising. Help me to find kind and calm children to play with please, mummy says this is very important.
Sometimes when it looks like I’m having lots of fun and behaving ‘silly or excited’, I’m actually not coping very well and may need your help to calm me down and reassure me that everything is ok, telling me off will make me feel even more anxious. Mummy says I’m very sensitive, I pick up on people’s emotions and they can change the way I feel, so if someone in school gets upset or angry or stressed, it can make me feel all funny and stressed out too and I don’t even realise what’s happening. Sometimes Im feeling so anxious that I wont hear everything that you say, which means I might get worried about something I’ve mis-heard. Mommy says loud noises and smells can also cause me to become distracted and worried too, so I will need you to help me by keeping on eye on people and things around me that might upset me. I will also get very worried if I think your angry, sometimes I might think your angry just because your not smiling or I might worry your annoyed with me because you’ve told someone else off. If you shout at someone, I will be really scared, if you shout at me I will be terrified. If I think your annoyed I wont hear what you say because I will be too frightened.
If there are visitors in school I will be very frightened, I may even see the visitors before you because Im very nosey, so please try and stay one step ahead of me by knowing who is expected to visit school each day. I will need you to reassure me that I’m safe by explaining to me who they are and why they’re in school, If a visitor comes in to our class then I will need you to let me know I’m safe, If I don’t feel safe I might try and ‘please’ the visitor to make myself feel safe, I do this by being superficially charming and inappropriately affectionate mummy says.
If things change in school this will really worry me, even something simple like doing PE after break instead of before, will worry me and I will need you to prepare me for any change by explaining what’s happening but also telling me why so that I can understand, my brain works very fast, sometimes too fast, Mommy says my cognitive processing skills are excellent, so please explain things to me properly before my brain gets into a tizz and jumps to all sorts of peculiar conclusions.
I might get upset if we do any work or topics on families or about when we were babies. Some of my memories may be difficult for me to think about as well as talk about, there may be things I don’t know about my early years making it even more difficult for me to take part. I can get very confused and upset about my past.
I don’t like telling my mummy when I’ve had a bad day as I worry she might be disappointed with me. So when I go home after a tricky day Mummy doesn’t understand why I’m so upset or angry and struggles to know how to help me. It would really help my mummy if you could tell her about any upsets, sulks or strops I have at school even if they seem really insignificant, Mommy says I can make a mountain out of a mole hill with my worrying. Mummy likes to help me when I’ve been finding things difficult by keeping me close and calm and letting me talk things through so I can feel safe again and sleep at night. I like to know that you and mummy are working together, this helps me feel safe.
My mummy has also put lots of useful information in this booklet, please copy anything you might want to refer to again or keep as a reminder but please give this book back to mummy when you’ve had a good read so she can update it and give it to my next teacher next year. If you want to talk to my mummy about anything in this book or anything you see me doing or hear me saying, she will be happy to chat, she can talk about me for hours and she knows me better than anyone else. Mommy says if there is anything she can do to help you, help me, she will.
I hope we have a lovely time learning together.
check out my next 2 posts for middle girls and big girls letters.