All posts for the month March, 2014

mothers day

Published March 29, 2014 by thefamilyof5

mothers day

the day we’re reminded.

the day they remember the mother they lost.

the day i remember i’m not the mother i’d hoped.

the day they show me im not the mother they ‘need’.

the day im made to feel less of a mother.

the day some morn for the mothers they’ve lost.

the day some morn for the mothers they never became.

a day i dont even consider important enough for capital letters.

mothers day is a day tinged with sadness for so many.


THE talk.

Published March 28, 2014 by thefamilyof5

I’ve been a mummy for almost 4 years.
Most ‘4yr’ in mummy’s are just recovering from the terrible 2’s and 3’s and preparing themselves for the separation anxiety that awaits them once nursery starts.

There’s this little girl, she’s 9, I’ve been her mommy for less than 4 years.
She doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t confide in me, she doesn’t talk to me.
Today we had THE talk, you know the one, the one about periods and puberty.

A little premature you may think but I’m not so sure, the signs are all there, I don’t think it will be long.
We all know that adopted children develop differently, well this is just another aspect. From a very early age big girls body was preparing its self for survival and what better way to survive than to grow up, fast.

So we had the talk, I didn’t go in to too much detail, she’s not emotionally ready to understand the ‘whys’ of what her body will be doing, so I focused just on ‘what’ will happen so she knows what to expect.

It went well I think, I didnt giggle or vomit and neither did she, in fact she simply replied with:

‘Oh ok…………….erm mommy is that a cathedral?’

I hope somewhere inside, beneath the facade of her smile and obliviousness that she heard what I said and wont think she’s dying when it happens. I hope that when it happens she will come to me like we agreed and she wont feel like she needs to sort it all out by herself. I hope in time conversations like this wont be so difficult!


On the plus side, there is a great range of pretty and discreet products for young girls these days, there is even a lovely little starter pack with a selection of various products including the teeniest tampons I’ve ever seen! Its all neatly packaged its own pretty little bag with a little booklet explaining all about puberty, it is a shame all the products say ‘teens’ on them I thought, but an impressive and cute selection non the less. And we all know how important ‘cute things’ are to little girls.

Nutmeg Gets a Little Help

Published March 24, 2014 by thefamilyof5

Thank you to who ever read this post today (appears in my wordpress stats), it was good to be reminded of it.

We might get this book back out I think, bit tricky here at the moment again.

The Family of 5's Journey

Nutmeg Gets a Little Help was the title of the book I read to my girls tonight.

It occurred to me somewhere around 4am this morning that perhaps the root of the difficult behaviours we’ve been having lately is ‘Mothers Day’. Mothers day can stir up so many mixed emotions for adopted children. So why didn’t I think of this earlier you may be wondering. Last year, I was prepared for fall out around Mothers Day, it didn’t happen so I guess I just figured this year would just be the same, how silly of me.

So in an attempt to help them deal with or face any feelings they may be having I decided to dig out one of our Nutmeg books. The girls chose a teddy each and sat down to listen to the story. We read the book, looked at the pictures and discussed various aspects of…

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A recipe for a happy dinner time!

Published March 23, 2014 by thefamilyof5

There’s a theme over at The Adoption Social this week for their #WASO link up, I won’t deny that my heart sank when I found out that was ‘Recipes’.
Baking days with my girls was something i’d really looked forward too, hell I even practised with some basic cake and biscuit Recipes and bought lots of baking ‘stuff’ before they came home in preparation.

Sadly, for now, it’s just too much. There’s too much competitiveness and controlling for it to be a fun experience. In fact food in general is no fun, their reluctance to ‘try’ new foods, their poor eating habits, their controlling behaviours all make for a pretty miserable dinner time.

However, for some reason eating out always seems to go much better, I suspect it’s their compliance, their need to make sure the world around them doesn’t ‘notice’ them, because if people start ‘noticing’ them, well who knows what they’ll do?!


So our recipe for a happy dinner time is simply to eat out, and we do, often!


Its all been a bit too much

Published March 19, 2014 by thefamilyof5

It was Sports Relief day in school today. There was a sponsored walk and lots of other lovely sporting activities planned for the day, the children all went to school in sporty clothes ready to have fun.

I was greeted tonight by baby girl who manically did star jumps across the playground before bouncing in to me. She looked as though she was having a major sugar rush, really hyper. I asked her if she’d had a nice day, she threw her arms around me, nuzzled her face into my jumper and stayed there, her heart beating rapidly.

Big girl came out of school looking gravely worried. I asked her if something had happened, she said no and edged closer, I asked if she’d fallen out with her friends, she said no and edge closer still, have you enjoyed your day, I asked, ‘it’s been ok’ she said as she put her arms around me for a cuddle, and there she stayed.

Middle girl came out of school her usual smiley self and reverted to her usual angry self once we got home.

Big girl has talked tonight of how she chose to help look after the younger children during the walk, the ‘perceived’ responsibility she felt for these 2 small children proved to be too much for her, she was emotionally drained and physically exhausted. You’d think that would make a perfect recipe for a good night’s sleep. Quite the opposite in fact, it’s the perfect recipe for a night of tossing and turning unable to sleep, cortisol rushing through her veins.

Baby girl found the excitement and change of her normal routine overwhelming. She spent the evening clingy and tearful before thrashing about in bed until she couldn’t any longer.

Middle girls spent the majority of last night awake, probably thinking about the day ahead. Tonight she was moody and angry right through to bedtime where she angrily thrashed around for almost 2hours before finally dropping off.

The uncertainty, excitement, and pressure of unstructured days in school has always been too much for my girls, it’s the reason why I’ve always taken them out for the last week of the school year, I’d hoped this year would be different.

The last week of the school year is generally filled with lots of lovely (scary) exciting activities rather than all that (safe) boring school work, all topped off with a huge helping of loss.

It makes me sad that the things that are supposed to be fun and exciting for my babies, are actually scary and overwhelming instead.

I’ve linked this post up with this weeks #WASO over at The Adoption Social.

I feel sick, but its ok isnt it!

Published March 17, 2014 by thefamilyof5

I had a phonecall from school Friday.

School: ‘Baby girl is feeling sick and looks very pale’
Me: ‘I’ll come get her’

I collected a very miserable looking baby girl with a pale face and red blotchy watery eyes.
‘Oh dear’ I said
‘I feel sick mommy, but it’s ok isn’t it, I’m not in trouble am I’ She said.

I became suspicious from the moment we stepped in through the front door. Her mood lifted, she was chatty and smiley.

‘Do you really feel pooly, or did you just feel a bit sad?’ I asked her.

‘If I was just feeling a little bit sad will I have to go back to school?’ she asked.

It seems baby girl had found lunch time difficult.

‘My friend Gxxxx said she didn’t want to be my friend and I don’t know why because I looked after her when she had a nose bleed, it was gross, but then she said she didn’t want to play with me any more and wanted to play with Fxxx and they said I wasn’t allowed to play and at dinner time I wasnt allowed to sit by them so I didn’t have any one to sit with but Mxxx did sit by me but she wasn’t being kind mommy and I didn’t eat my dinner because I started to feel sick but Mxxx said I wasn’t felling sick but how would she know mommy, my tummy was really hurting, she didn’t know did she but she said I was lying, so I went outside but I didn’t have any one to play with and I waited by the friendship spot but no body came to play with me mommy and they’re supposed to aren’t they. Some children looked at me and just said ‘urgh I’m not playing with you’ well they didn’t actually say that mommy but that must be what they thought because they didn’t come and play with me’
(said really fast without pausing)


She then started chatting about a girl that recently left:

‘I used to play with Txxx but she’s gone now and I don’t know where she is she even left her school bag and her lunch bag at school, maybe she had an accident and is in hospital, perhaps she is lost?’

After reassuring her that her friend (travelling family) had just moved house and gone to a new school and that nothing terrible had happened to her, she calmed and enjoyed the rest of her day playing.

My poor baby girl, she probably did feel pretty sick inside.

Lonely, rejected, sad and sick.

Mommy knows best!

Published March 17, 2014 by thefamilyof5

Big girl: we have to wear green on Monday mommy?
Me: do you? Said who?
Big girl: Mrs erm I’ve forgot her name said in assembly, it’s for St Patrick!
Me: oh, well there’s nothing in the newsletter about it, perhaps you misheard? Best to wear your uniform I’m sure there would be a letter if you had to wear green.
Big girl: No I didn’t get it wrong, that’s what they said, fine we won’t wear green and we’ll be the only ones!

She storms off chuntering to her sisters about how mommy won’t be letting them wear green and they’ll be the only ones in uniform. She was convinced to her core that I was a terrible mommy and I was going to humiliate her.

My girls have often misunderstood instructions, I’ve told them in the past they must get a letter or note from their teacher for any special requirements. I won’t deny being worried, what if they were supposed to be wearing green, whilst my head was telling me I was right, my heart was worrying about the consequences for my girls if I was wrong!!


Monday arrived, not a single item of green clothing in sight! Phew!

Me: oh look everyone’s in uniform, isn’t it a good job I didn’t send you in green clothes today girls.

Big girl: I wouldn’t have cared, everyone must have forgot because the teacher really did tell us to wear green. I don’t even know who St Patrick is so why would we celebrate anyway!

She sulks stubbornly.

I think that’s one point to me, even if big girl doesn’t want to admit it right now!

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