We all have needs.

Published February 11, 2014 by thefamilyof5

I was chatting to a good friend of mine the other day and she commented on how I seem to write a lot more about baby girl than I do middle girl and big girl. She has a good point, I do.

I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I favor baby girl and that’s why I write about her the most, its really quite simply that baby girl gives me more to write about.

Her expressive speech is more advanced than middle girl and big girls so she is able to tell me or show me what she needs more easily. She expresses her emotions, albeit very dramatically most of the time, so I mostly know what she’s feeling. When she is ill, she tells me. When she is hungry, she tells me. When she is feeling insecure she clings to me, when she is feeling defiant she pushes me away. When her food tastes bad she refuses to eat it. When her clothes feel itchy she tells me. When her shoes feel too tight she tells me. When a noise hurts her hears, she shows me. When she needs me, I know.

Big girl and middle girl never need me, or so THEY believe. They’re never ill, they never have hurts that need plasters, or sad times that need cuddles, or worries they need to talk about. They don’t tell me about their day and their struggles, they don’t tell me when they’re hungry or when they don’t like their dinner. They will wear the itchy clothes without question, they wont tell me their shoes give them blisters or that their pants are too small. They never ask for anything. They never let me know they need me.

Its really hard being middle girl and big girls mom. I have to guess at a lot of things and try and proactively meet a need before I notice its gone unmet, because with each need I miss, a little more trust is lost. I have to watch them closely and try and read their subtle signals. I have to guess their needs whilst my own mothering needs go unmet.

Its in some ways harder to be a mom to baby girl. She pushes and pulls so much it can be emotionally exhausting and draining. With baby girl though my efforts are rewarded because she meets MY needs by letting me know that she needs me and allowing me to be her mom.

All parents have needs, we all have a need to be loved and needed by our children. Its innate and natural. We want to feel ‘needed’ by our children. Anything less is babysitting.

I know all my girls need me, and I intern need them.
I love all my girls equally and treat them equally and fairly.
But for now, only one of those girls meets my needs as a mother.
So I guess because I know her the most, that’s why I write about her the most.

(please be gentle with me, I’m not sure I’ve explained this in the best way, but I’m hoping you will all see where I’m coming from)

I’ve linked this post up with this weeks #WASO over at The Adoption Social

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7 comments on “We all have needs.

  • Great post.
    Treating your children equally and fairly almost never means treating them the same. Trying to understand your children’s differing needs and meet them where they are is hard but it’s the whole point of parenting.
    I think you explained it well. And thank you for being so honest. Sometimes one child does meet your needs as a mother in a way that the other children don’t. I think it’s important to recognise it for what it is.
    I suspect that it is knowing the differences between your children that stops you having a favourite.

  • Thank you for your honesty! Yes, moms have needs–no matter what our age! I found this out recently after waking up from knee replacement surgery. My adult children with busy lives weren’t there. For the first time, I asked them to come and admitted I needed them.
    Thanks for your post!

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