Big Girls letter to her new teacher.

Published July 1, 2013 by thefamilyof5

I’ve put together introduction booklets for the girls new teachers in September, last year I shared Big Girls letter and many of you commented on how much you liked it so I’m going to share them all with you this time.

Hello my name is Big Girl

My mummy has put together this little booklet to help you understand me.

In 2010 I came to live with my new mummy and daddy. I’ve had a very difficult start in life and this has meant that I’ve developed a little differently to other children, I’m emotionally and socially very behind so I might need you to be extra considerate of this sometimes and not expect me to be the same as the other children my age. I’m also autistic which Mommy says makes me very special as I get to see the world differently to everyone else.

Sometimes the adults that were in control of my early life did things to make me feel scared and frightened. This has meant that I sometimes find it very hard to let adults be in control, sometimes I feel like the only way I can keep safe is to be in control myself. I might do this by being super helpful or chatting to you a lot. This sometimes means I forget to just be a little girl and do little girl things so I might need you to help me do things children do, rather than things adults do by helping me to feel safe. I sometimes forget the differences between adults and children and might try to get you to be my friend instead of my teacher, I’ll need you to make sure this doesn’t happen but please be careful not to reject me, I’ve suffered enough rejection my mummy says.

I’ve been finding school very difficult, my old school is big and busy and noisy and I don’t always cope with this very well which is why Mommy thinks your small, calm school will help me to feel relaxed and safe. Sometimes I might still feel scared and frightened, but I won’t know how to tell you this so I need you to keep a close eye on my behavior and my mood, I’m very good at pretending to be ok.

Classrooms can be quite scary for me. There are children all around and people walking around outside and up and down the corridors. Please help me by sitting me close to you and with my back to a wall and not a door, that way I don’t need to be worried about what’s going on behind me. My hearing is really good, I developed this early on as a way to keep myself safe, this means that I may become easily distracted by other noises inside and outside of the classroom, I might also hear conversations not meant for me, please don’t be annoyed with me, I’m just trying to keep myself safe.

I don’t have much confidence and my self-esteem is rock bottom my mummy says, so sometimes when you ask me to try to do something I’m so scared of getting it wrong and upsetting you that I choose not to even try. I will need you to gently encourage me, but please don’t try and force me as this will scare me. I will always try to keep you happy as that’s when I will feel safest so just because I say I understand what my work/homework is, it’s doesn’t mean I really do, I just don’t want to annoy you so please make sure I really have understood what you’ve asked me to do by asking me to explain it back to you.

Sometimes when it looks like I’m having lots of fun and behaving ‘silly’, I’m actually very anxious and need your help to calm me down and reassure me that everything is ok. I might worry about new topics, new tasks and tests. I will find it really hard to talk or read in front of the class so please don’t make me if I don’t want to. When I’ve learnt to trust you I might feel a bit braver and more willing to try.  I also might get worried if someone new comes into the classroom or even if I see a new face in the corridor, I might worry it’s a social worker coming to take me away. I might get upset if we do any work or topics on families or about when we were babies.  Some of my memories may be difficult for me to think about as well as talk about, there may be things I don’t know about my early years making it even more difficult for me to take part. I might get worried about trips or new activities and will need you to explain to me exactly what is going to happen and what I will be doing and who will be keeping me safe, but if you can, please don’t tell me about things too early as I may worry about it at night when I’m trying to sleep. If I get really anxious, please let me know I can ring my mummy, sometimes just suggesting it is enough reassurance to let me know I’m safe and it’s all ok.

I find the playground very scary. I don’t really know how to make friends and I’m scared that if I try to be someone’s friend that they might not like me. There hasn’t been much in my life that I’ve been able to control so I prefer to do things  my way as that’s when I feel safest, the other children don’t always want to do things my way and I find this frustrating and sometimes get angry and hurt myself. It would really help my mummy if you could tell her about any upsets, sulks or strops I have at school.

I don’t like telling my mummy when I’ve had a bad day as I worry she might be disappointed with me. Mummy likes to help me when I’ve been finding things difficult by keeping me close and calm so I can feel safe again.

My mummy has put this book together to help you understand me, I hope you will read it. If you want to talk to my mummy about anything in this book or anything you see me doing or hear me saying, she will be happy to chat, she can talk about me for hours and she knows me better than anyone else.

My mummy has put lots of useful information in this booklet, please copy anything you might want to refer to again or keep as a reminder, please give this book back to mummy when you’ve had a good read so she can give it to my next teacher next year. Mommy says she knows me better than anyone else so if she can do anything to help you, help me, she will.

I hope we have a lovely time learning together.

Copy of Education Now and Understanding Why Included.


5 comments on “Big Girls letter to her new teacher.

  • Wonderful. I’m going to share this with the special guardians I work with – grandparents caring for the children of their children. Almost all of these children have experienced terrible trauma at the hands of their parents and are living with the results of that every day and really struggle with school life. I really love your blog and find it so useful to understand what might be going on for these children. Thanks! x

    • Ah thank you, I’m so glad your enjoying reading my blog and able to take things away from it, that’s why I started it, to help and connect people, so it makes it all worth while 🙂 thank you!

  • what a wonderful idea, my sons transition has gone pear shaped this year, and I think this would be a great idea for his new class teacher and TA so they get to know/understand him. Can I ask what sorts of things you include in your booklet? Triggers, certain dates, signs of stress?? thanks

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