They say the more she pushes away the closer I should pull her in,
They say the louder she screams the harder I should try to soothe her,
They say I shouldn’t take her anger personally,
They say she’s hurting inside,
They say I need to rise above it,
They say I should love her harder, love her better, love her more,
But I just can’t do it!
The gap between middle girl and me is widening. The more she screams and fights sleep at night and strops through her tiredness all day, the more I withdraw. I know its wrong.
I tried the therapeutic approach, I soothed her, I made allowances, excuses, I pulled her close and offered her reassurances, love and more and still she pushed. We’ve been fighting when we should have been bonding.
I moved her bed to my bedroom so baby girl could get some rest. I knew it was a mistake but I had no other choice. Now its me who gets no rest.
I’m ashamed, I’m angry, I’m resentful, I’m sad, I’m worried and I’m frustrated. I can’t change the way I feel, I no longer have the energy to pretend, I’m beat.
Until this situation changes, I can’t change, I’ve passed that point a long time ago.
We’ve never needed this extension more than we need it right now. We just have to hang on a little longer!