Emotional Web

Published May 28, 2013 by thefamilyof5

I’m not sure where I’m going with this blog so I’ll apologise in advance for my ramblings.

The girls were like a ‘pack’ when they first came home, they stuck together like glue. They built a wall around themselves and stuck together. They protected themselves. Over time, and I mean a lot of time, they allowed us (mommy and daddy) in, they allowed us to join their pack and sometimes they accepted me as the leader of the pack. Almost 3 years later and I am the leader of our pack, daddy comes in second with big girl very close behind him followed by baby girl and then middle girl. But when we’re out, in a park, at a party, in a crowd, at camhs, they retreat to the safety of there ‘pack’ once again and their impenetrable wall reappears and keeps those around them away with the exception of course to those of us lucky enough to have already gained some of their trust.

But the girls still always share something unique, they’re ‘connected’ and I don’t mean just biologically but something else, they ‘feel’ each others emotions, they ‘become’ each others emotions, their emotions are ‘as one’. It very odd so I’m finding it difficult to explain.

I ‘feel’ the girls emotions. I feel quite ‘in tune’ with them and can easily sense/see when something isn’t right, just like any other mum I guess. But what they share with each other is something else, they don’t even have to be together to ‘sense’ each other. Remember the day they all independently excused themselves from class, well that happens a lot, not removing themselves from class, but doing/being the same, even when they’re not together. There moods always seem to ‘match’, they even wake up in the same moods. When 1 is tired, they all seem to be tired, when 1 is stroppy, they all seem to be stroppy, when 1 is anxious, they all seem to be anxious, they ‘feel’ what their sisters ‘feel’, its always the same.

Its quite bizarre.

Its like they’re sat on the same web of emotions creating a ripple effect over each other.

Anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

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10 comments on “Emotional Web

  • I am sure you have already looked into the “Trauma Bond” idea as you are very “clued up” about your children but I wondered if what you are listing in your blog here has something to do with that? I do not know if you have read the article on the link I am going to post for you but apparently it is a very good article on “Trauma Bond” and I got it off a post on Adoption UK. http://repository.tavistockandportman.ac.uk/137/1/Jenifer_Wakelyn_(siblings_draft-_final-nov29).pdf

    • I’ve not heard of the ‘trauma bond’ before! Thanks so much for sharing that link I certainly made for an interesting read! I shall be looking more in to this as even the phrase ‘trauma bond’ seems to fit! :/

      • I hope it proves helpful for you. I only ever heard of it by reading Adoption UK boards and it came up when we were originally looking to adopt a sibling group of 2. Our agency have decided though that we would never get approved for 2 at once and so have only put us through for a single child.

  • Wow I’ve never heard of that although it makes a lot of sense. And the ‘trauma bond’ mentioned by ‘Waitingtoolong’ sounds really interesting…I’ll be looking it up too.

    Thanks for sharing this post with the Weekly Adoption Shout Out x

  • That sounds so (for lack of a better word) cool! It’s amazing how they can sense each other and although at times probably makes things more tricky for you what an amazing comfort to each other they must give:)

  • I find this fascinating. The article mentioned above about the trauma bond doesn’t seem to quite match up with what you are describing though. That reads as something more positive which allows the girls to support each other and cope, as well as feel each others’ negative emotions. A trauma bond sounds potentially much more destructive. Did you decide that you thought they were affected by a trauma bond in the end?
    As someone who’s always thought mind reading is something we all do routinely, with some people doing it more than others, I’m inclined to think that might be part of what’s happening. Your daughters might have developed this extra sensory way of relating to each other in order to cope with the world? But I understand if this sounds a bit kooky! You can ignore me 😉

    • I’m still not entirely sure of what a ‘trauma bond’ is. But I do think that the girls bonded during a traumatic time in their lives and whilst that does mean they have the ability to understand each other, it also means that they have the ability to re-traumatise each other, which I’m convinced they do. A slightly heightened state of anxiety from one sibling sends them all tumbling back to their past and the ‘fear’ they share x

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