Eh?! Is exactly what I was thinking as I walked across the car park back to my car after today’s session.
Today’s session was me, the family therapist and the psychotherapist. They started the meeting by asking me how the school holidays had gone. I was glad they asked this as I’d wanted to ask them for some advice on how to handle big girls recent increase in self harming.
It was then that my brain started to become confused. The psychotherapist abruptly interrupted me shortly after I started to ask for their advice and he began talking about, well to be honest, I’m not really sure what he was talking about. He talked about me responding to her behaviours rather than addressing under lying causes, he said something that sounded like ‘but your not seeing big girl just her behaviour’. He said at one point, ‘I know I’m being tough on you’, was he? I didn’t really understand anything of what he was saying, was he criticising me? he also said something about my job as a mum of 3 being a particularly difficult one, so was he praising me? At the end when he said ‘before you respond did you understand that’, I said ‘no, I seem to have completely missed your point?’. I really hadn’t a clue what he was talking about his comments seemed fragmented and seemed to flit from one topic to another, yet all the time I was aware that still no one had given me any advice on how I should react when big girl hurts herself.
So then the topic changed to how they thought our sessions should go moving forwards. The family therapist plans to offer support to me and my husband with the psychotherapist working with the girls. I quickly pointed out that my husband wouldn’t be able to attend lots of appointments due to his work commitments, there was talk of him using annual leave to which I pointed out that we like to keep that for ‘family time’ as we like to spend time doing things as a family as much as possible as we felt that was important. The psychotherapist appeared irritated by this and pointed out that he felt the work they were proposing to do with us was important too. I’m not sure if he was actually irritated but his tone certainly made me feel as though he was and in turn I became defensive and felt I needed to justify our decision to use my husbands annual leave for family time.
I know therapy is important and I know the girls, and us as a family, need this support. But at the same time, we have to try and be a normal family, and do normal family stuff in order to maintain some level of normality, our lives shouldn’t all be about trauma, adoption and therapy, should it?!
So anyway, I suggested that we had the occasional late appointment that would enable my husband to attend without his boss seeing him as an unreliable employee that needed lots of time off. The psychotherapist remarked how he thought it was interesting that I’d started off by saying how difficult it would be for my husband to attend regular sessions, but after he’d applied a little pressure I’d relented and said we could manage some late appointments. Again, I missed his point?! Was he saying I was weak and feeble? Or was he saying I was flexible and accommodating?
There was more talking by the psychotherapist, about what I couldn’t tell you, he rambled on and I barely made sense of any of it. He did at one point say something about big girl not allowing herself to trust that I will take care of her. I picked up on this, I agreed with his comment and tried to talk about the girls reactions to a recent surgery I’d had (I’ll blog about this another time). He hurried me along and then stopped me mid sentence to tell me we were out of time.
I left the office 59 and a half minutes after arriving, feeling confused about the content and purpose of the entire session!
It may take me some time to make sense of today.
Next week I’m to take all 3 girls, I hope he doesn’t confuse them as much as he did me!?