I became friends with one of the mum’s at school last year, we spent a lovely day at the park with her and her 2 children last summer. She’s experienced adoption within her own family as she was growing up and has also worked within a social services environment. I’ve shared a lot with her over the last year and she’s listened and empathised without judging me which makes her a valuable friend, many are too quick to judge.
She’s familiar with big girls social difficulties and was kind enough to invite big girl over to play with her daughter today. Big girl was understandably nervous but also excited.
I dropped her off at 10.30am after having reassured her for the 10th time that I’d be back to collect her at 1pm after lunch and that yes, they had my number, so if she was upset or wanted to come home early she could ring me.
No one called. So I picked her up at 1pm as I’d promised. She was happy and I was told she’d had a lovely time and judging by her smile, she had.
It started as soon as she got in the car. She seemed concerned that her sisters might have missed her and felt they needed reassuring that she was back now so it was all going to be ok. (She does wonders for my own confidence as a mother) (I was being sarcastic)
It continued when we got home, she praised them for being good whilst she was gone, she asked them what they’d been doing and shared her own play-date experience all whilst seemingly reassuring them of her return.
Once she was happy that her sisters were safe and well and that I hadn’t broken or lost them in her absence, she began to fill me in on her play-date. In fact every 3-4 minutes she would return from the playroom where she was keeping an eye on her sisters to tell me something about her morning. I had a detailed description drip fed to me in teeny snippets of information about her lunch, drinks, activities and experiences for the next 3 hours.
She’d held it all together for so long and now she was off loading, so I smiled, I nodded and I listened until she was done.
She’d enjoyed her play-date even though there were aspects she was unsure about. She’d just needed to ‘order’ her thoughts and feelings so she could make sense of them. Once she’d done this, she felt more at ease and less anxious and felt more able to give her sisters some space. Which they were also happy about!
Especially baby girl as you will have read in my previous post.
There was trauma being leaked all over the place this afternoon. Baby girl was unravelling with fear, big girl was off loading her stresses and middle girl was just soaking it all up and becoming more and more manic throughout the afternoon.
When I talk about trauma breeding trauma, this is a perfect example of what I mean.
I put 3 dysregulated girls to bed tonight, 2 are already showing signs of a difficult night.