Told You So!

Published February 4, 2013 by thefamilyof5

I made a phone call to the senco at school last week. We’d not seen baby girls home school diary since November. It seems the teacher had thought things were going so well that it was no longer needed, but the senco had a word and it returned home the following day.

Baby girl also mentioned to me that the dinner lady that she’d been sitting with at lunch times has been telling her that ‘she’s a good girl now so she doesn’t need to sit with her any more’.

Hmmmm knowing that we were going to put middle girl back in baby girls room I thought it best to pre-warn them of the looming fall-out. So I wrote it in baby girls home school diary and made a mental note to mention it at my meeting with the Educational Psychologist (see prev blog entry).

I met with the Educational Psychologist today, later I collected baby girl and her sisters from school.

Baby girls teacher gestured across the playground that she’d like a word. I did the walk of shame for the first time in a very long time.

Teacher: we’ve had a very bad day today I’m afraid.

Me: oh dear what’s happened

Teacher: well there was an incident and baby girl threw a stick blah blah blah blah blah

*I stopped listening, all I could think was ‘I told you so’

Me: oh dear, did you read my note in her diary (I knew she hadn’t)

Teacher: Yes I read it all

Me: So you shouldn’t be surprised at the down turn in her behaviour, I was expecting it wasn’t you?

Teacher: I’m sorry?

*see, she hadn’t read it, and neither had she listened to me at parents evening in october or on the numerous walks of shame she put me through when I explained the sleep issues we were having with middle girl and baby girl. So I reminded her.

Teacher: oh, so middle girls been sleeping in your room since November?

*she doesn’t listen does she

Me: yes, from November until last Thursday, which was what I wrote in her diary.

Teacher: oh I see

Me: so whilst I agree she did something wrong and she needs to know it was wrong, you also need to consider that she’s sleep deprived. She has a hurricane of tiredness whirling around inside her and she can’t cope with it.

Teacher: but she does need to learn to make good choices, I expect her to be able to behave the same as I expect the other children her age to behave.

*she clearly didn’t read the introduction booklet I made for her in September either

Me: she can’t, she can barely function, she’s already dealing with loss and trauma and trying to figure out her ‘life story’ never mind having to fight through her tiredness now, she’s done well to hold it together for the last 3 months, I don’t think I could go through what she has and then sit down and learn to read. She’s poorly attached and insecure, she’s even more insecure at school which makes her feel frightened and scared, you can’t expect her to be the same as the other children, because she’s not.
She’s hard work even for me, but she needs you to help her not punish her.

Teacher: oh I see, right ok, well thanks for this little chat, I’ll have to keep a closer eye on her, she must be exhausted the poor girl.

*finally, she listened!

I walked off the playground feeling quite pleased with myself singing a little song in head that I made up ‘Told you so, Told you so, Told you so’

Disclaimer: some words in this conversation may have been altered/improvised to ensure that the reader here is not subjected to the laborious and frustrating conversation I had on the playground tonight


7 comments on “Told You So!

  • I have had a very similar conversation repeatedly every 6 weeks or so with Mini’s teachers (or remind them in the comms book), and it’s so frustrating isn’t it?! Luckily/unluckily Mini is very compliant at school which means they really just don’t get it!
    Anyway, hope you got thru this time x

  • Are there any other school options? These girls need a much smaller, cozier, and more individualized environment. I’m not sure homeschooling would be a good option (mama’s sometimes need a break in order to maintain sanity!) but something like that may be a consideration for the future. As a teacher who knows and understands that each child is an individual and who has a background in foster care, I know it is still very difficult as a regular teacher to give each child what they need. The admin stresses the curriculum to strongly that teachers focus on covering content primarily, and then the kids kind of get lost or fall between the cracks. I am glad that finally she started listening, and that you’ve been able to speak with a few others who have seemed somewhat helpful. Keep fighting for your kids!

    • They attend the best school in our area, we did consider moving them but thought the move would be too traumatic and detrimental to their confidence and friendship’s and there’s no saying another school would be any different, so we decided to stay put and hope the school ‘get it’, soon 🙂

  • Hi, I’m new to your blog and have been reading back through old posts and just want to say it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. There have been many posts like this that have provoked a sympathetic sigh of frustration at the ‘professionals’ who should be doing everything they can to understand and help your girls feel safe. I have had to stop reading a few times as well when you describe the anxieties the girls bear and how much extra understanding these professionals should have because it just makes me so mad at their abusers. Or whoever it was that started the cycle of abuse as presumably birth mother didn’t have a great life before having children. So keep advocating and doing what you’re doing and don’t be disheartened! Best wishes from a trainee teacher with dreams of adoption somewhere in my future.

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