Love is………

Published January 31, 2013 by thefamilyof5

Well today I hit my limit. 2.50am is not a time I can cope with being awake from on a regular basis.

After crying down the phone to hubby for the millionth time I/we decided that I just can’t take it any more and middle girl needs to go back to her own bed, we’ve tried everything, there is nothing left to try. Through my tears I called our GP and requested the sedative the sleep clinic recommended, Circadin, for middle girl. I moved her bedding back to her bed and cried some more. Her early morning antics are tearing our family apart. I’d tried to create a solution. I failed.

I spent the rest of day sat on my sofa staring at the floor feeling nothing but despair and anger.
Anger that middle girl has pushed me this far, anger that I’ve allowed myself to become angry instead of sympathetic towards middle girl, anger that no one has supported us, anger that the professionals who should have known about trauma and how it breeds and feeds, still allowed my girls to be placed knowing they’d have to share a room and anger at my self for letting baby girl down, I can’t protect her.

Baby girl has been a completely different child since we moved middle girl in to our room in November. ALL of my ADD/ADHD concerns for her have gone, she was just tired, so tired that she didn’t know what she was doing, or even where she was. A feeling I’ve got to know these last few months. I’ve loved getting to know the real baby girl, I’ve loved that she hasn’t felt the need to control my every move, I’ve loved that as the chaos inside her dissipated, so did her need to created chaos around her. She’s thrived and I’ve loved her more and more each day.
As I kissed her goodnight tonight and stroked her sleepy face, I kissed good bye to my lovely baby girl and prepared myself for the return of tired, controlling, chaotic baby girl.

Love is……………not enough!


9 comments on “Love is………

  • Is it possible to move baby girl into your room leaving middle girl in a room of her own so it wont matter what time middle girl gets up as there will be no one in her room for her to torment?

    • We tried allowing her to sleep downstairs but in the end we just felt she was too unpredictable to be allowed the freedom of the ground floor with no one down there to keep her safe, we even tried letting her sleep on the landing, but from there she was able to reach the doors to all 3 bedrooms, bang them and wake everyone.

  • I’m sure you have been thought hrough all the options bedroom wise but I wondered could big-girl and babygirl share? And maybe get to choose new bits for their bedroom as a special treat for doing so (so middle girl doesn’t feel she has “won” if that is an issue)?

    My only other though is can one of the girls have a regular (once a week) sleep-over (at a nearby relative’s house if you have one) or a friend’s house just give you all one night per week where you can get some sleep? Maybe you need to have a sleep over at a friend’s hosue as you sound as if you really need a break?

      • We’ve tried everything sadly. Big girl was diagnosed with ASD last year which has helped us to understand some of her own sleep issues, sharing with someone is just too much for her to cope with, the mere noise of someone’s breathing keeps her awake. The girls have never slept anywhere else since coming home, we’ve always stayed together as a family at night (we also have no one near by they could have a sleep over with) so I think it would be too much disruption for all of them to be honest. I’d love a sleep over however, perhaps in a nice plush hotel with a jacuzzi bath 🙂

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