Life story work is so important for my girls, they NEED to know where they came from and how they got to where they are now in order process their trauma and heal, we did a lot of life story work in that first year or so.
Today, whilst driving to my parents for dinner to celebrate new year, baby girl asks from the back of the car ‘when will you have a baby mommy?’ After explaining to her that her and her sisters were, and always would be, my babies and our family was complete she replied ‘no, you need to have a baby after you get married’.
She was very adamant and stressed.
So I told her the story, the story of how a long long time ago Mommy and Daddy got married and we decided that we wanted a family. At the same time lots of important people had decided that their birth mum wasnt doing the mommy job properly and they’d need to find a new family for baby girl and her sisters. And so all the important people got together with mommy and daddy and it was decided that baby girl and her sisters would come and live with us and we would become a family forever.
And I followed this up by saying ‘so see, your all my babies, my baby girls, I don’t need to have a baby, our family is complete’
Baby girl looked confused and said ‘so how did we all fit in your tummy at the same time?’
Needless to say I had to go right back to the beginning and explain that she hadn’t been born out of my tummy, but that she was born from the tummy of her birth mum and she lived with her for a little while etc etc etc
We talk about being adopted a lot, they know they have a birth mum, and that she writes to us and we write back. They know they lived in foster care and then they met us and came to live with us forever.
As baby girl has grown her memories have become a blur and her understanding of who she is and where she came from has got lost, she knows the words we use, but she doesn’t understand what they mean it seems.
We’re going to have to pick up the pace and go back to basics when it comes to ‘Life Story’ work with our baby girl, I’d taken for granted that she remembered, that she understood, that she knew who she was, but she didn’t.
Now she’s ready to ‘understand’, she wants to ‘understand’, she NEEDS to ‘understand’, and we will help her.