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All posts for the month November, 2012

Loving her is easy.

Published November 29, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Baby girl said to me tonight
‘I love you 100 50 10 money pounds Mommy’

I could have munched the little cutie pie right there and then!

Instead I kissed her and said ‘I love you to the moon and back’ and I do, she makes it so easy to love her, she needs me, she fights with me, she pushes me to the extreme, she wants me to be her mommy. She shares her emotions, both good and bad with me, something her sisters rarely do.

Baby girls had a good couple of days, she’s had 12+ hours sleep each night, eaten her lunch at school and not been in trouble once. She’s like a different child. We see the little Ms Hyde too often these days!

These are the days we need more of, these are the memories we should be creating, these are the moments we should be cherishing every day so in those dark teen years looming in the distance we’ll have something to look back on, something to smile about to get us through!

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Sisterly love!

Published November 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I’m not sure if I’ve gone in to this much before, but I’ve always felt there was some resentment from middle girl towards baby girl. Possibly due to baby girl having been in a different foster care placement to middle and big girl.

There are lots of things that have happened over the last 2 years to make me think this, the recent sleeping issues is just the latest.

I’ve also mentioned baby girls issues around control and food. And her difficulties in nursery, reception and now year 1.

The lunch time difficulties have continued and increased as her sleep has dwindled. She ‘drops’ her lunch, she chucks it in the bin, she gives it to someone else, she eats other peoples lunch then after becoming totally dysregulated she gets ‘distracted’ and spends time messing about in the toilets. We’ve tried everything to encourage her eat her lunch. I’ve spoken to school about it on many many occasions over the years.

Last week I requested that baby girl sit with a dinner lady that’s been assigned to sit with another child. The school agreed and told me that the dinner lady wouldn’t be able to ‘deal’ with baby girl as her priority is the other child which I totally understood and agreed with, but she would be able to ‘supervise’ her eating. I was happy with this.

Yesterday was the first day of the new arrangements. It went brilliantly, baby girl ate all her lunch and in a reasonable time too. Because she was sat with an adult she was able to remain regulated meaning there was no messing about after lunch, no getting in trouble in class.

Baby girl got lots of praise for this, lots.

Today, middle girl decided she also wanted to sit with baby girl at lunch time, she’s never done this before.

There was chattering and fun and time ticked away. The dinner lady left because the boy she was with finished his lunch. Meaning baby girl was left sat with middle girl.

Middle girl decided it was her job to tidy up baby girls lunch things and tell her what to do, there was more chatter and silliness. A drink was spilt and middle girl told baby girl to throw some of her lunch in the bin, the rest got dropped on the floor.

It seems middle girl will go to all sorts of lengths to spoil things for baby girl.

Baby girl was in trouble in class today, several times.

I’ve cried today, several times.

Where will this ‘sibling rivalry’ take us?! No where good I suspect!

CAMHS part 2 – Session 7

Published November 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

So today I met with camhs to discuss their findings after their meeting with baby girls teacher last Thursday, or that was the plan.

It was cancelled, again.

I waffled for an hour, she listened and empathised.

I’ll never get that hour of my life back again.

The ticking body clock!

Published November 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Baby girls had the bedroom all to herself for almost 2 weeks now. The first couple of nights she slept 6pm till 7.30am and was spectacularly wonderful, which I’m sure is the real baby girl.

But once she’d caught up on a bit of sleep her body clock kicked back in and reverted to waking her a bit earlier again. She has on occasion woken at 6.30 ish. This isn’t too bad at all really and is no where near as bad as the 5am that middle girl was waking her, but it seems its still too early for her and its shown in her behaviour.

On days when she’s woke earlier her mood and behaviour are dramatically different. She’s fidgety, agitated and very controlling. She gets in to trouble at school on these days too ūüė¶

So how do I change her body clock?

Plan P! Pfffft

Published November 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Well plan p as it turns out, is my worst nightmare. I’m more tired than I ever thought possible!

Middle girl has been sleeping in our room for pretty much 2 weeks now. I say sleeping but what I really mean is fidgeting. ALL Night, EVERY night!

We tried putting her back in her own bed this weekend, it was a disaster. She continued to wake baby girl in the early hours which meant both Saturday and Sunday were filled with bickering, spiteful, agitated little girls with a mommy that was too sleep deprived from the previous week to be able to cope with it.

So she’s back in our room.
I’m miserable.
She’s tired.

Plan P

Published November 14, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Yes we’re up to plan P now, well it feels like it, plan A was a joke, plan B pointless, plan C a waste of time etc etc so we’re on to plan P.

P is for prevention and it seems the only way to stop middle girl waking baby girl is to prevent her being able to.

The placing authority’s only advice was that we surrender our bedroom to middle girl and hubby and I sleep in the lounge. How they think he’s going to be able to function at work after having had an awful nights sleep every night I’ll never know, idiots!

We took camhs advice last night and we brought middle girl down stairs early this morning with the promise of a DS for entertainment, she was ‘ok’ about this arrangement we thought, that was until we discovered that she’d already woke baby girl before we got her up, some 30-45 minutes earlier. So it seems her determination to wake baby girl is far out weighing anything else.

So we’re on to plan p. Tonight and for the foreseeable future, she will be sleeping on the floor on a make shift bed in our bedroom. No longer is our marital bedroom a private haven for hubby and I to relax and chat about our day and unwind before drifting off to sleep, its now somewhere we have to share with a difficult child, our daughter.

None of our girls have ever slept in our bed or even in our room its just not something I’m particularly comfortable with, perhaps if they were or had been babies when they came home, I’d feel differently. Our bed is just that, OUR bed and I really like it that way. Its going to be difficult, awkward and uncomfortable and I doubt any of us will feel relaxed or get much sleep, but we’re out of options!

Bedtime is going to result in screaming and crying and temper tantrums (from me as well as middle girl too), wish us luck!

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CAMHS part 2 – Session 6

Published November 13, 2012 by thefamilyof5

First of all, sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve so much to write about from the last few weeks but just don’t have the head space to put it all down.

Any way, today was session 6, during our last session the therapist said she’d arrange to meet with baby girls teacher.
An appointment was arranged for last thursday so today’s appointment was supposed to be to chat about how it went. Unfortunately the therapist had to cancel last weeks appointment and now won’t be going until next week so there wasn’t much we could discuss.

However, our time wasn’t wasted, we had plenty to talk about with middle girls bedtimes behaviours still continuing and pushing us to breaking point, I’ve been ringing the placing LA and the therapist a lot lately as things are getting tough.
I don’t think I’ve properly explained what the issues are but basically, middle girl wakes super early, 4am onwards, and subsequently wakes baby girl by punching/kicking/hitting the bed (they’re in bunks), so intentionally. We’ve looked at every sleeping option, reward system, visual/verbal reminders, punishments etc etc and they’re either not viable or not effective. The only thing that’s worked is removing middle girl from her bed BEFORE she gets chance to wake baby girl, this sometimes means having to wake her to get her out of bed to take her down stairs. We’ve done this on a couple of occasions and whilst she’s hated it, baby girl has slept and subsequently not been in trouble at school. So for now, this seems all we can do.
So from today we’ve decided that when hubby gets up for work at 5.30am he will take middle girl down stairs leaving the rest of us to sleep until a more reasonable 7am. Hopefully she won’t have already woke baby girl up but 4.45am isn’t unheard of!
What I’m undecided on, is what to do with middle girl once she’s down stairs. Hubby has to go to work so it means she’ll be alone. CAMHS suggest putting the tv on quietly for her and I’m sure you’ll all agree with that idea. However, after more than 9 months of this behaviour I’m unhappy about making this a ‘nice’ experience for her. What sort of message will I give her, ‘play up for long enough and eventually mommy will give you what you want?!’, but at the same time, if this is a long term arrangement now, which it seems it will have to be, it would be almost cruel to make her sit down here alone and in the dark with nothing to do. So I’m torn.

What to do, what to do, what to do?!

My next appointment is 2 weeks away but during these 2 weeks I’m hoping camhs will have met with baby girls teacher to discuss her behaviour and how they can best support her. Right now they’re punishing her for things she’s not really emotionally equipped to cope with, she just isn’t ready for choices and freedom. I’m hoping they will see that inside she’s really only a 3yr old rather than the 5yr old they see on the outside and will be able to take steps to support her more and prevent her getting in to trouble rather than just dealing with her afterwards. We’ll see!

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