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All posts for the month September, 2012

Tell us a story Jackanory…………….

Published September 28, 2012 by thefamilyof5

The story they told us………….

Here are 3 very pretty girls that will take a few months to settle with you but you’ll all be fine and we will support you every step of the way.

 

What they should have told us……………….

Here are 3 very pretty girls that all have special needs

Your eldest daughter will be diagnosed with ASD, she will be difficult to parent.

Your middle daughter has serious resentment towards her younger sister and really shouldnt share a room with her. She also has life long auditory processing issues and will need lots of support with this.

Your younger daughter has control issues and some behavioural difficulties that will possibly result in a diagnosis of ADD or something similar.

Life will be very hard, your daughters may never attach to you and we wont be supporting you. You will have to fight a constant battle to get the help you will need for your family. Your marriage will suffer, your friendships will suffer, your mental health will suffer and you will cry a lot.

ASD Assesment – Sessions 6, 7 & 8

Published September 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Not a lot to report from these three sessions to be honest, session 6 was big girls school assessment and sessions 7 and 8 were mainly just fact finding and chatting further about big girls ‘ways’ and working our way through the assessment form.

I did learn that once the assessment is complete, the organisation will continue to work with us as a family and begin to support us and help us to help big girl the best we can, so that was a relief to learn. I envisaged them pointing us in the direction of support but I had thought it would be something else I’d have to fight for!

I have session 9 next week and will hopefully hear about the results of the school assessment they conducted a few weeks ago.

I Need………

Published September 27, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I need so many things right now its becoming totally overwhelming.

I need to understand what big girls pending ASD diagnosis will mean

I need to know what to do about baby girls obsessive picking

I need to know how to handle middle girls persistent bad behaviour in bed

I need baby girls teacher to understand her needs and regulate her instead of allowing her to constantly make bad choices

I need the lunch time staff to stop baby girl from throwing her lunch away

I need teachers to tell me when there have been issues during the day

I need more than 1hr slots every few weeks with CAMHS

I need more hours to our evening routine

I need baby girl assessed for her needs so we can help her to focus at school

I need enough money to extend our home so middle and baby girl don’t have to share bedrooms

I need a detached house so I don’t have to worry about neighbour noises waking the girls at night

I need girls that tell me when somethings wrong, I can’t keep dragging stuff from them its exhausting for all of us

I need girls that sleep or at least try to sleep

I need to find a way to de-stress before I burst

I need to be able to eat a meal without getting indigestion

I need to be able to collect my girls from school without worrying about what sort of moods they’re in

I need to be able to walk around my house at night without waking my ridiculously light sleeping girls

I need the time and energy to be a wife as well as a mother

I need a post adoption team to support us

I need to be able to sleep instead of lying awake thinking about all the things I need and can’t have!

And I need the biggest bar of chocolate in the world, right here, right now!

1hour, 60 minutes, 3600 seconds……..tick tick tick

Published September 19, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I meet with CAMHS to fill in the new therapist on our family, I attend meetings with a psychiatrist about big girls ASD assessment, I’ve so much to tell them and there’s so much they want to know so why oh why are our meetings restricted to an hour! If I could sit down with them for a few hours we could get it all said and done in one session instead of an hour every few weeks. Time is ticking by, I’m still talking and they’re still asking questions. When can we stop talking and start acting I wonder?!

CAMHS part 2 – session 2 & 3

Published September 15, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I’ve been neglecting my blog lately, I’ve so so much that I want to say but don’t seem to be able to put order to any of it so you can make sense if it. But I’m going to have a try.

Session 2 with the new CAMHS therapist was with all of us. The girls immediately made themselves busy with the toys in the room as usual. The therapist suggested an activity. The ‘squiggle/doodle’ game, whereby the girls were to take it in turns to draw a small doodle on a large piece of paper and to see what all of their doodle’s together would look like.
Before long it became competitive ‘I want to do a long doodle’ ‘its my turn now’ ‘you’ve done yours let me have my turn’ ‘I just want to add some more to my doodle’ ‘I know my doodle is long but I haven’t finished yet’ ‘I want to draw my doodle very slowly’ ‘ hurry up its my turn’ they collectively drew a wiggly square. Not sure what that revealed aside from a complete lack of creativity and immense competitiveness.

The next activity was to add the magnetic words to a picture I.e ‘floating’ could go by the balloon in the sky. ‘Barking’ could go by the dog etc. So again, ‘taking it in turns’ began with a grapple for words until their hands were too full to hold any more and ended in a frantic rush to get all their words on the picture first. No idea what useful traits this revealed.

Session 3 was just me again. We chatted about the psychologists suggestion to have baby and middle girls assessed for ASD. She was less enthusiastic about the prospect I felt but said she’d look at it more once she knew the girls a bit better. Fair enough I guess.
We chatted mostly about the issues we’re having with middle girl waking baby girl. We shared idea’s about why there may be some resentment issues and she decided it was best to meet with middle girl and see if we can get to the bottom of it. We have an appointment arranged in a few weeks for middle girl and I, the therapist plans to arrange some kind of relaxed play activity for middle girl to do that will help her to understand what the issues are and why she insists on waking baby girl.

So all in all we’re no further along really. I still have 3 very tired traumatised girls and no real idea of how to best help them.

Picking at it………..

Published September 15, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Picking is becoming baby girls latest obsession. Its likely she does it as a release for her emotions that she locks away inside of her, a common form of self harm/mutilation for traumatised children.

She developed a small blister during the summer holidays and over a period of weeks, in bed, she picked and picked and even though I told her each morning she had to stop, she picked and picked some more until the teeny blister was a huge bleeding, weeping mess over and inch square and preventing her from wearing shoes! Socks for bed was the answer!

Then there was the little pimple on her leg that she picked and picked and picked until it was a huge puss filled scab! A plaster left on for a week was the answer here.

And now there’s the small bump behind her ear where her earring pressed in over night a couple of weeks ago. She rubbed it, and scratched it and picked it until we discovered it, by then it had weeped and bled so much that her hair and earring became entangled into a huge crusty congealed mess behind her ear. We cleaned it up, we applied cream and a plaster every day, it had almost healed so we stopped applying the cream and the plasters a few days ago, that is until today. She’s picked it again, almost as badly as before. Out came the TCP, it stung, she cried, and now I’m just hoping it hurt enough for her to not pick it again.

CAMHS therapy hasn’t even touched the surface of her yet, perhaps baby girl permanently wearing gloves and socks is to be our only answer!

To sleep, or not to sleep……

Published September 5, 2012 by thefamilyof5

So today was the first day back at school after the summer holidays. It went smoothly. Well that’s providing you don’t count the 2hours it took for big and middle girl to fall asleep last night, or the 5am wake up this morning or the 3 hours (and counting) its taken to fall asleep tonight.

I mentioned the sleep issues to the placing authority today during a call I made to them about something else.

The conversation went like this:

Her: how’s things been over the holidays?
Me: awful, middle girl is still waking at 5am and persistently waking baby girl, they’re tired, grouchy and bickering constantly, I’ve tried everything, I don’t know what else to do?
Her: oh dear that’s hard isn’t it………………….oh I forgot to tell you, I’m leaving next week.

Honestly I don’t know what I’ve been moaning about, I’m clearly being supported by the Post Adoption Team…………………(Please insert your favourite swear word here) !!!!

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