The Search for Support Continues

Published August 14, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I received a call last week from the placing authorities post adoption worker. She was calling to tell me some exciting news, apparently they’d finally been able to source medical records for big girl (see prev post) and was sending them in the post, I was so excited and relieved to hear this, little did I know at the time that what she was sending me was not actually the written notes, just the limited computer printout.

During our call she also discussed support. Basically she said

‘We’re too far away to support you, your local authority don’t want to support you so we’re putting the responsibility with the voluntary agency you used’

She’d called the Voluntary Agency (VA) that we’d used when we adopted, Action For Children. Apparently they were able to offer us support and she also mentioned something about funding for it being part of the agreement between the 2 agency’s when we adopted?!(Who cares!) She suggested I ring them to discuss further.

I rang them yesterday. The social worker I spoke to was a lady we’d met during our training/approval. I hadn’t really taken to her much in the past if I’m honest, she was loud and ‘in ya face’ and always seemed to have her huge boobs hanging out all over the place, but I didn’t let that stop me explaining our situation to her this time.
I chatted to her at length, I told her how I felt we needed support but as I wasn’t sure what kinds of support were available, I didn’t really know what we needed. I explained that I don’t feel we’re functioning properly as a family and that 2years in I still don’t feel I know any more about my girls than I did the day I met them. We talked about compliance and the difficulties it presents adoptive parents with, she was very ‘clued’ up on compliance and this pleased me, she said all the right things, gave me examples of scenarios and empathised on how it all must make me feel. She also touched on how compliant children generally appear happy and content to the outside world, with only mum really knowing that things were not as they should be. Soooo true!

I had called our VA previously, last year I think. I’d spoke to our original social worker. She is a lovely woman, we’d always got along with her. She was great during the approval/matching process, she guided us, helped us and pushed us along nicely. When I’d called her for support though, I hadn’t found her very supportive. She’d offered empathy when what I needed was guidance and advice.

So back to the current phone call, we chatted about CAMHS and how that’s been working, or not working for us. She discussed training opportunities and possibly putting me back in touch with our original social worker or perhaps a new one. She also chatted about a family in a similar situation that we might like to get in touch with. All in all she felt that it was best to wait until I’ve met with the new CAMHS therapist (this afternoon) to see what their plan was and take it from there.

I’m going to meet with CAMHS later today, I’m really hoping they’re the solution we need, I’m really hoping they can help us to be a functioning family and stop me from feeling like a long term ‘babysitter’ but realistically I know therapy is a slow process and I’m not sure how long we, I, can hold it together before serious and permanent cracks start to show.

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2 comments on “The Search for Support Continues

  • There is a wonderful resource called empoweredtoconnect.com on attachment, lots of great video and there is a book as well called the connected child that is wonderful. I understand just what you wrote about being a long term babysitter.

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