Counselling Stress

Published August 8, 2012 by thefamilyof5

So, tonight I had my first counselling session.
And probably my last.

The therapist, who had an annoying, and probably stress related, repetitive tic/face scrunch type thing going on, really didn’t know anything about adoption but assumed her many years as a single parent of 2 now grown up secure, well adjusted, attached children, qualified her to tell me how to parent my traumatised, unattached, insecure children.
What’s that saying, you know the one about assuming and it making an Ass out of U and Me!

So any way, after she’d asked me to talk about ‘what ever you want to’, she told me that parenting is hard, ‘she should know having always been a single mum of 2’, she also told me not to worry as ‘all kids do that’. I explained that my girls are compliant, and that they never ‘give any part of themselves to me’. She told me the way to get my kids to talk about their feelings was to bribe them with sweets in a jar high on a shelf.

No I didn’t punch her in the face, but I wanted too.

I got momentarily distracted by someone walking past in the street below and wondered if I could pretend it was a long lost relative, thus having to leave. I could run outside and pretend to be reunited with them. The fact that it was a drunken pensioner that quite frankly looked a bit scary, put me off so I decided to wait it out, it had to be almost time to leave, I was sure of it, she’d rambled on about her life for a good 20 minutes, 5 minutes to fill the ‘mental health’ questionnaire out, couple more minutes for her to read it, 3 minutes of me talking. I realised then that we were probably only half way through!

So, back to it. To add further insult to injury she gave me a ‘parenting’ fact sheet. It was entitled ‘Fulfilling the Emotional Needs of the Child’.

1. Unconditional love. There was so much I could have said about this, but I bit my tongue.
2. Respect. Durr, clearly!
3. Praise. My tongue was gushing with blood by now.
4. Time & Effort. I almost bit my tongue clean off.
5. Boundaries. Seriously, where did she get this all from, perhaps, it certainly wasn’t from any adoption or special needs specific resource!

She then recommended a book, I was a little distracted from the throbbing pain coming from my tongue so I didn’t quite catch the title, but it was something like ‘being a good mother’. And from what I gathered it was about the pressure’s mothers put themselves under to be the very best mother they can, and why this isn’t always ‘being a good mother’. So after reassuring her that I wasn’t a ‘good mother’ and that I was comfortable with that, she moved on to offer me strategies to ‘handle stress’. This week she said she’d give me a relaxation cd, and next week we could discuss more idea’s. Did she think the excitement of ‘more idea’s’ would ensure my return?!

Honestly, what an utter waste of 90p parking and 50 minutes of my life! Yes 50 minutes, not the hour it should have been, she even short changed me on my time allowance! Not that I was going to complain and ask for longer!

Now…………………. where’s that huge, stress relieving, body widening, chocolate bar?


8 comments on “Counselling Stress

  • lol 😉 I am so sorry for laughing through this blog, but it was written so very well and with such sarcasm, I loved it,
    Yes there are defiantly some people out there who really should not be doing the jobs they are doing, I mean honestly a single mother of 2 is no compassion to everything that you and your babies go through, not to mention she shouldn’t be comparing her life with yours, dear god who was getting the council ling?
    Your words reminded me of when I attended positive parenting, or PPP what an utter joke that shit was, my god, taught by a chick who was still in high school (I am sure of it) who had no children, no idea, who did not have to go home and deal with a son who was almost out of control……….as she stood in the classroom dictating the do’s and don’ts of parenting and how to praise your kid for the good things that he or she does, not to dwell on the naughty things………omfg………..I was asked to leave that class when I questioned her on a few things……….such as was she a mother? and did she have to go home and deal with a child who had no emotions and when that child did do something naughty as they put it, did it involve him hurting a pet?………..or setting fires under her f**king beds?…….turned out the answer was no, and I got asked to leave as my influence was far from positive, she told me of some book also (similar to your Councillor) however you displayed a lot more self control than I did……….;) ahhhh the shit we go through……….well done for sitting through it honey………((hugs)))

    • Ahh Triple P, I remember being on that, hilarious! I think I blogged about it a while back I think, I endured about 4 of the 8 sessions before they acknowledged that ‘Parenting tips’ wasn’t what I needed and that My child was dysfunctional, not me! I agree, what a pile of shit! Lol

  • Reblogged this on db mcneill – Momsomniac and commented:
    Although my middle son does NOT have attachment problems, it can still be frustrating when people dismiss his real challenges – the ones that are almost certainly because of transitioning familes as a baby – as “normal”. It’s even more frustrating when that comes from a professional who is *supposed* to be helping. I can only imagine what this Mom goes through – without being able to point to bio-kids to SHOW she isn’t clueless, and with chidlren who have faced worse trauma than transtion. But she expresses it here w/ humor and aplomb.

  • I’m not too sure what say, except to apologise for your experience. I’m sure you realise not all counsellors are the same. Many offer a free 10, 20 or 30 minutes to see if you both get on together. Sometimes this is done in person, sometimes over the phone. Not all counsellors are suited to work with all peope. It is a relationship and like all relationships, some work and some don’t. You mention 90p for parking, yet nothing of the cost of the session. I’m wondering whether this session was through an adoption or a counselling charity? Not that that should make a difference to the counselling.

    • Thank you for your comment. I’m not sure where in the world your from so forgive me if I sound patronising 🙂

      My counselling was arranged by my GP, I haven’t had to pay for it its funded by the National Health Service that covers pretty much all medical stuff here in the UK. Its not adoption specific and was just a private NHS linked firm that offer counselling and mental health support services. I have over this last week tried to source some more relevant counselling, but it seems that no one in my area (and its a vast vast area) offers such a service.

      Thanks again for your comments and advice its very much appreciated 🙂

  • You don’t sound patronising 🙂

    I’m actually also from the UK. So have some understanding of the NHS. Overall, i think the NHS is brilliant. Occasionally though I think in relation to counselling there may be a lack of knowledge as to what is the best route for someone. For some people CBT is suitable and that is what most GPs I’ve had contact with recommend. Well, it’s not so much what they recommend as that is what is available for them to refer anyone to. Often too, you are limited to only 6 sessions?

    Other modalities, such as person-centered, psychodynamic are not often available through the NHS, only privately. Which of course then has a cost attached!!

    As you’re in the UK and if you’re still interesting in any counselling it might be worth looking at the following website, which is part of the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy). You can search for a counsellor in the area you live, or as far as you wish to travel:

    Hope things work out better for you.

    Yes, I guess I should add a disclaimer, that I am a counsellor 🙂

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