So, tonight I had my first counselling session.
And probably my last.
The therapist, who had an annoying, and probably stress related, repetitive tic/face scrunch type thing going on, really didn’t know anything about adoption but assumed her many years as a single parent of 2 now grown up secure, well adjusted, attached children, qualified her to tell me how to parent my traumatised, unattached, insecure children.
What’s that saying, you know the one about assuming and it making an Ass out of U and Me!
So any way, after she’d asked me to talk about ‘what ever you want to’, she told me that parenting is hard, ‘she should know having always been a single mum of 2’, she also told me not to worry as ‘all kids do that’. I explained that my girls are compliant, and that they never ‘give any part of themselves to me’. She told me the way to get my kids to talk about their feelings was to bribe them with sweets in a jar high on a shelf.
No I didn’t punch her in the face, but I wanted too.
I got momentarily distracted by someone walking past in the street below and wondered if I could pretend it was a long lost relative, thus having to leave. I could run outside and pretend to be reunited with them. The fact that it was a drunken pensioner that quite frankly looked a bit scary, put me off so I decided to wait it out, it had to be almost time to leave, I was sure of it, she’d rambled on about her life for a good 20 minutes, 5 minutes to fill the ‘mental health’ questionnaire out, couple more minutes for her to read it, 3 minutes of me talking. I realised then that we were probably only half way through!
So, back to it. To add further insult to injury she gave me a ‘parenting’ fact sheet. It was entitled ‘Fulfilling the Emotional Needs of the Child’.
1. Unconditional love. There was so much I could have said about this, but I bit my tongue.
2. Respect. Durr, clearly!
3. Praise. My tongue was gushing with blood by now.
4. Time & Effort. I almost bit my tongue clean off.
5. Boundaries. Seriously, where did she get this all from, adviceforreallyshitdumbassparents.com perhaps, it certainly wasn’t from any adoption or special needs specific resource!
She then recommended a book, I was a little distracted from the throbbing pain coming from my tongue so I didn’t quite catch the title, but it was something like ‘being a good mother’. And from what I gathered it was about the pressure’s mothers put themselves under to be the very best mother they can, and why this isn’t always ‘being a good mother’. So after reassuring her that I wasn’t a ‘good mother’ and that I was comfortable with that, she moved on to offer me strategies to ‘handle stress’. This week she said she’d give me a relaxation cd, and next week we could discuss more idea’s. Did she think the excitement of ‘more idea’s’ would ensure my return?!
Honestly, what an utter waste of 90p parking and 50 minutes of my life! Yes 50 minutes, not the hour it should have been, she even short changed me on my time allowance! Not that I was going to complain and ask for longer!
Now…………………. where’s that huge, stress relieving, body widening, chocolate bar?