I had session 5 with the psychologist today. Session 4 was the cognitive assessment that took place last week.
She shared their findings on the cognitive assessment with me, I’ll try and explain as best as I can remember but there were lots of big words that I didn’t know 🙂
She started by explaining each stage of the cognitive assessment and what area each section was to check for. So basically she said that big girls verbal score and understanding score, whilst low, was within acceptable range. There was an IQ test whereby she scored well below average but still within an acceptable range. And finally a score to check ‘multi tasking’, she didn’t use this phrase, I forget what she called it, but she explained that it was to check the brains ability to ‘multi task’. Anyway, big girl scored very low here and she explained how this could make following instructions very difficult and also it would be having a big impact on her ability to learn.
She chatted quite a lot about ASD and how she feels this fits with some of my concerns. She shared with me that she feels an ASD diagnosis is almost certainly on the cards for big girl but until the assessment was complete she couldn’t say for sure.
She also chatted to me about middle and baby girl. During our sessions there were some things that I’d said that she’d picked up on which also caused her some concern. She’s recommended that I request CAMHS to refer them both for ASD assessments of their own.
I feel both relieved and terrified at the prospect of an ASD diagnosis. Relieved because it makes so much sense of some of her quirks and it also means I’m not imagining it all and she IS different.
Terrified because ASD is for life, and it seems there’s the potential for all my girls to be somewhere on the Autistic spectrum. ASD is not something she’ll grow out or can have therapy to ‘fix’, which means I’m going to have to find a way of understanding her rather than trying to ‘help fix’ her.
Being on the autistic spectrum won’t change her, it won’t make me love her any more, or love her any less, she’ll still be the same big girl she always has been, but it will mean she’ll always be the way she is and that wont change either. Therapy isn’t our answer, or at least it isn’t hers, she no longer needs an answer it seems.
So now I need to learn more about ASD so I can understand my daughter and learn to become more compassionate rather than irritated when presented with one of her unusual behaviours. I need to find a way to accept that this life may not be everyone’s ‘normal’, but it is going to be our ‘normal’.
I still need to find my answer.