Its hardly surprising that middle girl feels resentment towards baby girl.
For most of her memorable childhood she was in foster care with her big sister. Her big sister looked after her and allowed her to take the spot light as she was favoured by their foster carer. She was the baby of the foster family and allowances were made and extra treats given. She controlled and manipulated the adults around her, her weapon was ‘silence’.
Then along came her baby sister who’d been in a separate foster care placement. Suddenly she was no longer the baby of the family and big girl had found a new ‘baby’ in the house that she could follow around. Big girl stepped forward and middle girl stepped back.
After only a few weeks of living together all 3 girls were placed with us. Baby girl felt all confused and out of sorts and used ‘food’ to control the adults around her. Middle girl attempted to control the adults around her with ‘silence’ but unlike her days in foster care her attempts were futile. Big girl tried to take care of everyone and instructed her sisters to ‘call me mummy’ and paid all her attention to baby girl, perhaps cause she was the youngest, or perhaps because she was the easiest to manipulate.
As time went by they all struggled to find their places, baby girl desperately wanted to feel part of the group and pushed for attention from both of her sisters, big girl was only too willing to give it, with middle girl gradually stepping further back and allowing her needy sisters to take the ‘attention seeking’ stage.
I sit here today listening to baby girl and big girl doing some drawing together whilst middle girl loudly stomps up and down the playroom shouting and singing and playing loud music and doing anything she can to irritate her sisters and take some of their attention for herself.
She’s understandably tired of being left out, she’s angry at her baby sister for taking her big sisters attention away from her, she’s fed up of sitting in the background and she’s going to do everything she can to put things ‘right’. It seems targeting baby girl in a bid to get her into trouble and then misbehaving herself to bring down the spot light on to the smile that she hides behind are her battle tactics!
She’s declaring war on her sisters, things are gonna get ugly!