I wonder about Attachment Disorders……………………………Again.

Published June 15, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I read a blog today about ‘Attachment Disorders’, I’d posted some information on attachment a while back and it got me thinking again today, as usual, I really must locate that off switch for my brain, but before I do I want to share my findings (more like wonderings).

I completed a Childs Attachment Disorder Checklist for each of my girls, below is what I found.

1 Is unable to give and receive love

Baby Girl- Not true

Middle Girl – Not sure

Big Girl – Very true

2 Is oppositional, argumentative, defiant

Baby Girl – True but possibly age appropriate

Middle Girl – True, she can be very defiant

Big Girl – Not true

3 Is emotionally phony, hollow or empty

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – Not sure

Big Girl – Very true

4 Is manipulative or controlling

Baby Girl – Very true

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – Very true

5 Has frequent or intense angry outbursts

Not true for any of them

6 Is an angry child inside

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – Very true

Big Girl – True

7 Unable to cry about something sad

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – True

Big Girl – True

8 Avoids or resists physical closeness and touch

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – True

9 Cannot be trusted

Baby Girl – True, but age appropriate I feel

Middle Girl – True

Big Girl – True

10 Has little or no conscience

Baby Girl – True

Middle Girl – True

Big Girl – Very True

11 Is superficially engaging and charming

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – Slightly true

Big Girl – Very true

12 Lack of eye contact on parental terms

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – True

Big Girl – Very true

13 Indiscriminate affection with strangers

True for all 3 girls.

14 Not affectionate on parents’ terms

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle girl – Not true

Big Girl – True

15 Destructive to self, others, and property

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – True

16 More disobedient toward mom than dad

Baby Girl – Tests Mommy constantly

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – Not true

17 Cruel to animals

Not True for all 3

18 Steals

Not true for all 3

19 Lies about the obvious (crazy lying)

True for all 3

20 Is impulsive or hyperactive

True for all 3

21 Lacks cause and effect thinking

True for all 3

22 Gorges or hoards food

Baby Girl – Not true, although we have had eating issues.

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – Not true, although she is very greedy

23 Has poor peer relationships

Baby Girl – Not true, although she does gravitate towards the ‘difficult’ children.

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – Very true

24 Preoccupation with fire, blood, or violence

Baby Girl – True, obsessed with blood

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – Not true

25 Persistent nonsense questions or incessant
chatter

Baby Girl – True

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – True

26 Inappropriately demanding and clingy

Possibly true for all 3, they do demand attention and will compete for it.

27 Sexual acting out

Not true for all 3

28 Bossy with peers

Baby Girl – Not true

Middle Girl – Not true

Big Girl – Very true

RESULTS

Big Girl scored 20/28

Middle Girl Scored 13.5/28 (possibly 15 as I counted the ‘not sure’ responses as half a point)

Baby Girl Scored 12/28

So what does all this mean I wonder, or am I just wondering too much. I don’t need a checklist to tell me I have traumatized children, but I do find these results rather interesting.

So how do you parent an attachment disordered child. I really don’t know. We don’t have a diagnosis for any of our girls as yet which is probably why I still trawl the internet for answers, understanding and resources. I stumbled across a page offering tips and advice on how best to handle/cope with parenting your unattached child. I particularly like the part that says ‘AD children have a sixth sense for finding every button a parent has and pushing them all.‘ Dont I know it! It also talks about how and unattached childs main objective is to ensure safety, not love, unlike the typically attached child who seeks out love and affection as a priority, hence the saying heard frequently in the world of adoption ‘ Sometimes love isn’t enough’.  I particularly like the ‘Specific Techniques’ part, I can relate to so much of it, and its good to know that I mostly opt for the effective techniques recommended.

I kinda feel that this post is a bit inconclusive but I guess that’s because we are still at the ‘wondering’ stage. I’m also wondering how long it will take for us to get to the ‘knowing’ stage.

So how does you secure/insecure child score? Please share.

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8 comments on “I wonder about Attachment Disorders……………………………Again.

  • Hmmm…I have 2 bio kids and one adopted. I ran through your list for all 3.

    My oldest (bio) scored a 7 on this list and my middle (a) scored 11. Our middle son is a button pusher indeed; I can only imagine parenting a child who scored higher. It was interesting to me that my oldest scored as high as he did when my youngest (bio) scored a 2. He is pretty easy to parent, but he’s also only 2 years old, and his temperament is much less intense than his brothers’ (both of them).

    My husband is an adult adoptee. He was only 6 weeks old when he came home, but I’d say he’d score around a 13 on this test. I don’t think anyone in my home has RAD, but you have given me with much to think about.

    • Thank you for sharing your childrens ‘score’. Its interesting that you Adopted child scores so much higher isn’t it. It really is food for thought. I’m only sorry I can’t tell you what those scores mean. It’d be nice if people included answers with the quiz’s they post on the internet wouldn’t it! 😉

      • From what I experience, with both husband and son, I’d say adoption – even with a loving foster family and a single placement at a young age- can be extraordinarily traumatic.

        And yes, answers would be VERY helpful! : )

        Right now, I am chewing on the idea that, while my husband feels loved by me, he may not feel safe (not for any good reason, other than *that* has not been my focus).

        food for thought.

        I’ll be back!

  • Mine have come a really long way in the last few years. Youngest ticked 25 boxes about six years ago, now we’re down to 9 with signs of improvement all the time. I think the underlying question is whether they can trust anyone.

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