Well its been a school holiday like no other. And by that I mean I haven’t enjoyed it. I spend the whole of school term time longing for our fun filled relaxed school holidays. This week I’ve longed for it to be over which makes me feel very sad. If I can’t enjoy being a mummy term time, and I can’t enjoy being a mummy in the holidays, what’s left?
Hubby has had this week off work and I’ve even noticed his enthusiasm flake throughout the week. What’s happening to us?
Its not just this week, this week was the little glimmer of ‘hope’ I’ve been aiming for, for the last few miserable weeks. It turned out to be more of a frazzle than a glimmer though. -_-
I remember in the beginning being happy, enthusiastic, patient, warm and understanding. I enjoyed being a Mummy even though it was really hard work, and I still found time to smile with them. Over time my enthusiasms faded, my patience has vanished and my enjoyment has withered.
These 3 gorgeous little girls with beautiful smiles and infectious giggles have taken everything I had to give. There’s only so many times you can be given a loveless hug, a fake smile, a side wards glance and a dirty look before it starts to pull you down. There’s only so many times your buttons can be pressed before they get stuck in the ‘on’ position. I used to wake excited for the day ahead, now I wake prepared to battle.
So where is the light at the end of our tunnel now?
Is CAMHS the answer for our family here? Or do I need to see my GP for those dreaded pills so I can learn to ‘switch’ off like my mum keeps telling me I need to do, like its that simple? Or is this just my reality now, is the sunshine to remain hidden from us? Am I ever going to be able to enjoy being the Mummy I so longed to be?