Half Term’s over, Phew!

Published June 9, 2012 by thefamilyof5

Well its been a school holiday like no other. And by that I mean I haven’t enjoyed it. I spend the whole of school term time longing for our fun filled relaxed school holidays. This week I’ve longed for it to be over which makes me feel very sad. If I can’t enjoy being a mummy term time, and I can’t enjoy being a mummy in the holidays, what’s left?
Hubby has had this week off work and I’ve even noticed his enthusiasm flake throughout the week. What’s happening to us?

Its not just this week, this week was the little glimmer of ‘hope’ I’ve been aiming for, for the last few miserable weeks. It turned out to be more of a frazzle than a glimmer though. -_-
I remember in the beginning being happy, enthusiastic, patient, warm and understanding. I enjoyed being a Mummy even though it was really hard work, and I still found time to smile with them. Over time my enthusiasms faded, my patience has vanished and my enjoyment has withered.

These 3 gorgeous little girls with beautiful smiles and infectious giggles have taken everything I had to give. There’s only so many times you can be given a loveless hug, a fake smile, a side wards glance and a dirty look before it starts to pull you down. There’s only so many times your buttons can be pressed before they get stuck in the ‘on’ position. I used to wake excited for the day ahead, now I wake prepared to battle.

So where is the light at the end of our tunnel now?
Is CAMHS the answer for our family here? Or do I need to see my GP for those dreaded pills so I can learn to ‘switch’ off like my mum keeps telling me I need to do, like its that simple? Or is this just my reality now, is the sunshine to remain hidden from us? Am I ever going to be able to enjoy being the Mummy I so longed to be?

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7 comments on “Half Term’s over, Phew!

  • You make me want to cry. Probably because I’m feeling very similar, though on a different level. This morning I stepped outside for a minute and the morning was so fresh and I just suddenly wanted to stay in that kidless freedom forever. In that moment I just remembered all the freedom and relaxation and enjoyment my hubby and I had together before kids… And as a foster parent, returning to kidless status is always a possibility. My hope and consolation lies in the fact that I’ve felt this way before and it has passed and things have gotten wonderful for longer stretches. I hope that your girls will have a breakthrough soon, and that after all their walls come tumbling down, you are standing there full of only love and acceptance ready to take them into a real hug – finally.

  • my guess, you will enjoy it-but differently than anyone around you and differently than you imagine. and with a lot more work involved, work to enjoy it, work to be happy, do what you love because life is super super hard. especially, yours.

  • Things WILL get better, even now I get days where I feel like I can’t face things, crave some time on my own because of the complexities we deal with. Keep plodding on and yell when you want to, plenty of people to listen, other adopters understand the need for a rant, for an outpouring, understand that the roses smell like crap today x

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