I read a blog today about ‘Attachment Disorders’, I’d posted some information on attachment a while back and it got me thinking again today, as usual, I really must locate that off switch for my brain, but before I do I want to share my findings (more like wonderings).
I completed a Childs Attachment Disorder Checklist for each of my girls, below is what I found.
1 Is unable to give and receive love
Baby Girl- Not true
Middle Girl – Not sure
Big Girl – Very true
2 Is oppositional, argumentative, defiant
Baby Girl – True but possibly age appropriate
Middle Girl – True, she can be very defiant
Big Girl – Not true
3 Is emotionally phony, hollow or empty
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – Not sure
Big Girl – Very true
4 Is manipulative or controlling
Baby Girl – Very true
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – Very true
5 Has frequent or intense angry outbursts
Not true for any of them
6 Is an angry child inside
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – Very true
Big Girl – True
7 Unable to cry about something sad
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – True
Big Girl – True
8 Avoids or resists physical closeness and touch
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – True
9 Cannot be trusted
Baby Girl – True, but age appropriate I feel
Middle Girl – True
Big Girl – True
10 Has little or no conscience
Baby Girl – True
Middle Girl – True
Big Girl – Very True
11 Is superficially engaging and charming
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – Slightly true
Big Girl – Very true
12 Lack of eye contact on parental terms
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – True
Big Girl – Very true
13 Indiscriminate affection with strangers
True for all 3 girls.
14 Not affectionate on parents’ terms
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle girl – Not true
Big Girl – True
15 Destructive to self, others, and property
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – True
16 More disobedient toward mom than dad
Baby Girl – Tests Mommy constantly
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – Not true
17 Cruel to animals
Not True for all 3
18 Steals
Not true for all 3
19 Lies about the obvious (crazy lying)
True for all 3
20 Is impulsive or hyperactive
True for all 3
21 Lacks cause and effect thinking
True for all 3
22 Gorges or hoards food
Baby Girl – Not true, although we have had eating issues.
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – Not true, although she is very greedy
23 Has poor peer relationships
Baby Girl – Not true, although she does gravitate towards the ‘difficult’ children.
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – Very true
24 Preoccupation with fire, blood, or violence
Baby Girl – True, obsessed with blood
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – Not true
25 Persistent nonsense questions or incessant
chatter
Baby Girl – True
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – True
26 Inappropriately demanding and clingy
Possibly true for all 3, they do demand attention and will compete for it.
27 Sexual acting out
Not true for all 3
28 Bossy with peers
Baby Girl – Not true
Middle Girl – Not true
Big Girl – Very true
RESULTS
Big Girl scored 20/28
Middle Girl Scored 13.5/28 (possibly 15 as I counted the ‘not sure’ responses as half a point)
Baby Girl Scored 12/28
So what does all this mean I wonder, or am I just wondering too much. I don’t need a checklist to tell me I have traumatized children, but I do find these results rather interesting.
So how do you parent an attachment disordered child. I really don’t know. We don’t have a diagnosis for any of our girls as yet which is probably why I still trawl the internet for answers, understanding and resources. I stumbled across a page offering tips and advice on how best to handle/cope with parenting your unattached child. I particularly like the part that says ‘AD children have a sixth sense for finding every button a parent has and pushing them all.‘ Dont I know it! It also talks about how and unattached childs main objective is to ensure safety, not love, unlike the typically attached child who seeks out love and affection as a priority, hence the saying heard frequently in the world of adoption ‘ Sometimes love isn’t enough’. I particularly like the ‘Specific Techniques’ part, I can relate to so much of it, and its good to know that I mostly opt for the effective techniques recommended.
I kinda feel that this post is a bit inconclusive but I guess that’s because we are still at the ‘wondering’ stage. I’m also wondering how long it will take for us to get to the ‘knowing’ stage.
So how does you secure/insecure child score? Please share.
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