Running out of Idea’s!

Published May 21, 2012 by thefamilyof5

For quite some time now we’ve been having some issues with our middle girl. Most of you are probably sat there thinking ‘ahhhh middle child syndrome’ and maybe your right.

My middle girl has always been the easier of my three. Dont get me wrong, she’s been traumatized, suffered loss and is poorly attached. My hopes are that CAMHS will help her address her feelings. But for now she appears to have the most ‘normal’ reactions and thoughts to things. I’ve always described her as ‘the least of my worries at the moment’ because her behaviour has always been age appropriate and pretty dam good really. She is the biggest achiever and gets the most positive attention I feel. She’s never in trouble at school and always has something to be proud of i.e class award, swimming certificate, dancing award etc

So why have things changed!? It started a few months ago around the time I blogged about Lies from her and since then it seems to have just been a continuous cycle of poor behaviour with me pulling my hair out trying to break the cycle!? don’t get me wrong, she isn’t doing anything too serious, these are small misbehaviour’s but they’re every day, not the sort I can just ignore and such a contrast to her usual behaviour. We’ve tried sticker charts, we’ve tried incentives aka bribery, we’ve praised her when she’s made good choices, we’ve tried grounding, we’ve tried confiscating, we’ve tried early nights, loosing privileges/clubs etc nothing works and now we’re running out of idea’s.

I brought the girls a magazine each tonight, you know the over priced ones with cheap toys stuck to the front, well coupled with a mid-week treat I’m using them as an incentive (aka bribe) to be good this week. I told them all about it tonight and they were all very excited and eager to get their treat Wednesday and magazine Friday. This is really only aimed at my middle girl but I have to include them all to make it fair.

She went to bed early tonight as punishment for an incident earlier today. I had a talk with her about making good choices and how she’s always been such a good girl so now needs to work really hard now to show mommy and daddy that she’s trying. We also talked about the magazine and how much she wants it. I tucked her in and left the room. Half an hour later I put my baby girl to bed. Within 10 minutes my middle girl had started to mess about and disturb my baby girl. I asked her why, and I got the usual reply ‘I dont know’.  I remember as a child sucking up to my mom when I’d been caught doing something, I remember at least trying to be good and wanting to please my mom. She’s presenting me with at least one behaviour at least once a day at the moment and I’m really not sure why or what else I can do about it.

I’d love to hear thoughts from my fellow adoption bloggers/readers/Parents and Carer’s?

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5 comments on “Running out of Idea’s!

  • We found that incentives/rewards/consequences just do not work with our girl, something to do with self-esteem. If I offer girl a reward for good behaviour to be given later she will immediately subconciously start to worry and fret that she will not be good enough to get that reward so she will sabotage it almost immediately. I am trying re-do’s from a book that was recommended, rather than a consequence ask for a re-do of the behaviour in the correct way and praise when it is done correctly, doesn’t always work atm but worth a try at least 🙂

    • I’ll try anything! So thanks for a great suggestion we’ll try that one! 🙂 another small issue which I’m not sure is even relevant is that she does have auditory processing issues so communication can be difficult sometimes as she can’t always find the words she needs to say what she wants, especially when under pressure, but she’s also very good at giving the silent treatment, a skill she found useful for getting attention in foster care.

  • I’ve started with the re-do’s of behaviour and it works. She is a little madam this week all because she is poorly but I don’t want her slipping into old ways again! X

  • Just for the record, this weeks attempt at bribery failed. I’m going to use the ReDo method with her, but none of the incidents in the last 2 days we’re things she could redo :/ although after being told off she did stomp up the stairs and I made her go back down and walk up properly! Lol

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