This morning was no different to any other, I was greeted by the extra’s from the ‘Truman Show‘, you know the ones that walk about doing the same things day in day out, blending in to the background by being totally fake. Telling you only what you want to hear so as not to alarm you. You know the ones? Well that’s my daughters.
Nothing is ever quite as it seems with my girls. I’m hoping someone will invent some sort of xray vision glasses that can see through a facade to what’s really underneath because trying to work out the truth behind every fake is oh so exhausting.
This morning went something like this:
My baby girl was abruptly woken from her sleep once again by my middle girl. End result one tired baby girl that forgot how to dress herself, looks a bit pale and flushed but can only tell me ‘there’s nothing wrong mommy’. Her food controlling behaviours have started to rear their ugly head again this last 2 weeks. We’re working our way back to daily occurrences again so I know there is something wrong, but what?!
My big girl woke after her 2rd night of restless sleep, I have no clue why, what’s on her mind, what’s keeping her awake at night, is she worried about something? Is she frightened? I just don’t know because she won’t tell me ‘there’s nothing wrong mummy’ is all I ever get. Maybe she doesn’t know, maybe she’s too scared to tell me, but I know there’s something.
In the car on the way to school she heard a story on the radio about a mum going to hospital so her baby could ‘be delivered’. She popped up in her seat eager to share her knowledge on this with her sisters. ‘Being delivered is when they get the baby, wrap it in a blanket and give it to someone else because they don’t want it’ she said. I quickly informed her and her sisters that the phrase ‘being delivered’ was just a way of describing that the baby had been born from the mummy’s tummy, and yes they did wrap the baby in a blanket but then they gave the baby to the mummy for cuddles. I asked her why she thought ‘being delivered’ meant that the baby was unwanted. Tears is all I got. I have no idea where that came from, to my knowledge she’s not known of any baby that had been given up at birth, and she knows that her and her sisters were not so I’m not sure why that was her understanding of the phrase. Did she hear something somewhere? Was there something on tv? Something at school? ‘I don’t know’ is all I got from her this morning but that’s all I ever get from her when I ask her about things, So how can I help her?!
My middle girl was clearly delighted with her efforts to disrupt her little sisters sleep this morning, she sang, skipped and hopped her way into school this morning blowing her little kisses to me all the way. She was way too happy for me to not notice. What is it that she needs? Why does she only get this happy when her little sister is miserable?
My 3 little unattached girls are the ones that are never hungry, never full, never hot, never cold, never ill, never sad, never scared, never worried. They’re the ones that just smile and spend their lives trying to convince the world that there’s nothing wrong and that they’re perfectly ‘normal’ and they don’t NEED you………………or me!
When really, that’s exactly what they need, they’re just too scared to admit it.