The poor family failed by all!

Published April 22, 2012 by thefamilyof5

I read a really sad news article this weekend. It was about a couple whose hopes and dreams of becoming a family were shattered when they adopted 2 angelic little girls. (read here)

Little did they know when they were matched with these 2 little girls that they had already been subjected to unbelievable trauma in their short little lives already. Trauma that would shape the rest of their lives. Trauma that would destroy their family.

The end result for this poor couple was divorce  and long-term prison sentences for both of their daughters before they were even 23 years old. 18 years of hell, no one can prepare for that!

So how did this happen? Who failed this family? Who is to blame?

My guess, everyone! Everyone who should have been there to support them didn’t.

Adoptive family’s are failed every day by the people and organisations that promise to support them.

Their family!

They’re the ones who criticise, leaving the adoptive parents feeling inadequate.

Their friends!

They’re the ones who judge, leaving the adoptive parents feeling hopeless.

Their local authority!

They’re the ones who turn their backs, leaving the adoptive parents feeling abandoned.

The government!

They’re the ones who fail to provide, leaving the adoptive parents unable to afford the support services needed for their damaged children.

Society as a whole  fail to realise what a massive challenge adoption is, leaving the adoptive parents feeling overwhelmed, abandoned, judged, criticised, hopeless and inadequate. Is it any surprise then that in the UK alone one in every five adoptions fail and who’s to say the other four live happily ever after!

Support is a crucial part of adoptive parenting, without it, the results can be devastating as this poor family found out.

I discovered today that my next support group meeting is more than 3 months after the last one I attended.

No lessons were learnt from this poor family’s devastation it seems.

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7 comments on “The poor family failed by all!

  • I heard another story similar to this whereby they adopted from an orphanage abroad and (from what I remember) the trauma the child had within them lead to the couple actually killing the child in a too hot bath of water and both of them going to prison

  • I am pretty sure this is the case in question http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/25087
    I remember reading about it in 2006 (which shows how deeply it must have affected me as I still remember it 6 years later) but (and I cannot find it now) I read it as a proper full account from the adoptive mother. She had written something like “her story” on how it had all come about. I remember she said they had two birth children and that she was a nurse and they felt they had *so* much love to give, wanted a bigger family and were unable to do that via more birth children. I remember her saying how they adopted from a Russian orphanage and found “mental issues” with the children for which they found they were totally unsupported by social services/mental health/medical people in this country. Since she was a nurse she felt she may be able to “help” the children more than someone none-trained but over time she found that not only was she unable to assist the children but her whole family was being torn apart and affected by the adoptions. I think I particularly remember the case because once the father had “accidentaly scalded the boy” and tried to cover it up she was able to treat the wounds because she was a nurse. In the end I remember her saying something like all she wanted was to share the immense love they had, to give a home to children less fortunate and instead her whole family had been destroyed and now her and her hubby were in prison for *many* years and she was thinking “how did it ever come to this, how did I actually ever get to this place”

    I just remember it really “sobering” me up to what can be the realities of adoption and the tragedy which can be the outcome and my heart went/and goes out to not only the children who have been disrupted or murdered but also to the parents who did the murdering…..not that there is any excuse for such an extreme act but just because I think they were failed themselves by so many people in the external support who really should have assisted them.

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