Today I failed as a Mommy.
I had terrible night last night and lay awake for hours pondering and worrying about various different issues and concerns we have with the girls.
An early start took us to an indoor play area with one of the girls school friends. They had a lovely time.
Trying to bring them down after though wasnt as much fun.
By lunch time I was starting to flake with my tiredness getting the better of me. They were bickering and getting louder and louder with my patience wearing thinner and thinner. This afternoon, before I knew what was going on it happened, I shouted, loudly, at my big girl. She was misbehaving, but I was tired and irritable and I overreacted. They’d taken control. I was weak and they’d sensed this.
My middle girl instantly switched to fear mode and started sucking up to me and being overly lovely which is what she does whenever one of her sisters gets in to trouble. This irritated me more but also made me feel really guilty, my overreaction had triggered a chain reaction in her. My baby girl sensed my weakness and went in to controlling overdrive. Fail Fail Fail!
Baths that were supposed to calm them didn’t so I filled their bellys to the brim with carbs (pasta) and we had a calm and quiet afternoon of DVD’s and chocolate.
I’d like to say I regained my position of calm and in control, but im not sure I did. Todays taken us back months as far as attachment/trust/bonding is concerned I’m sure.
Tomorrow is a new day, I will remain calm and in control and I……. WILL ……..NOT…….. SHOUT!