So is adoption for everyone? No I don’t think it is. I’ve learnt so much from so many different types of family’s over the last year or so, I’ve been shocked, horrified, saddened and enlightened by some of the story’s I’ve heard. Its become my opinion, that adoption most definitely isn’t for everyone.
In my opinion adoption is not for the weak, naïve or emotionally vulnerable. Its not for people that long to parent a child. Its not for those that dream of family days out or cuddles on the sofa. It not for those that look forward to feeling that their child loves them. Its not for those that aren’t able to be flexible in their parenting. Its not for the feint hearted or those with a tickled stomach. Its most definitely not for anyone that has no understanding of the effects of trauma and attachment. Its not for those that sit back, do nothing and think ‘it’ll be fine in the end, it’ll work its self out’.
So who is it for I hear you ask?
Well its for the strong, the brave, the determined and the courageous. Its for those prepared to turn their lives upside down to meet their child’s needs, however bizarre they may be. Its for those that can love without being loved. Those prepared to turn their backs on everything and everyone for the sake of their child. Its for those that have patience and understanding. Its for those that have no preconceived idea’s of parenting. Its for those that are prepared to give give give and get nothing in return, and I mean nothing. Its for those prepared to be treated as if they are no more important to their child than the postman is. Its for those with an understanding of attachment and trauma. Its for those that can understand that the difficult times are cries for help, not child hood phases. Its for those that can see the need for nurture whilst being physically threatened or abused by their child. Its for those that can fight the system for their child’s rights and needs, and yet be compassionate and restrained enough not to fight with their child. Its for the emotionally secure. Its for those that can remain strong in times of great adversity and not be too proud to ask for help. Its for those that can see between the lines, those that can see beneath the cold, dark emptiness, that there’s a scared and frightened child that needs help. Its also for those that know Love, sometimes, just isn’t enough.
Adoption isn’t all doom and gloom but if your not prepared for the worst then it can be.
If you think the above is unrealistic or even that the adoption approval process is too tough, adoption really isn’t for you.
It takes a special kind of person to Love a child that doesn’t know how to love and doesn’t know how to allow themselves to be loved.
Adoption isn’t for everyone, but it is for some.
Which are you?