Nutmeg Gets a Little Help was the title of the book I read to my girls tonight.
It occurred to me somewhere around 4am this morning that perhaps the root of the difficult behaviours we’ve been having lately is ‘Mothers Day’. Mothers day can stir up so many mixed emotions for adopted children. So why didn’t I think of this earlier you may be wondering. Last year, I was prepared for fall out around Mothers Day, it didn’t happen so I guess I just figured this year would just be the same, how silly of me.
So in an attempt to help them deal with or face any feelings they may be having I decided to dig out one of our Nutmeg books. The girls chose a teddy each and sat down to listen to the story. We read the book, looked at the pictures and discussed various aspects of the story and even commented on how Nutmegs family was much like ours. Our baby girl went to bed at this point, she’s a bit young for too much talking and wouldn’t really have understood it and would have been too tired to try. So after we finished the book we talked about sadness, anger and happiness. We talked about how their birth family had let them down, but also how they wouldn’t be here with us now if their birth Mommy and Daddy hadn’t loved each other and brought them in to the world and how that was a good thing. We talked about some of the things that might have been scary about living with their birth family, but we also talked about some of the nice things they did together and how not all of it was bad. We talked about how their birth Mummy must have felt very sad when the judge decided they would live with a new family and we talked about how difficult it must all be for them too. We talked about how Mommy and Daddy feel very sad that we’re not able to take away all the bad things that have happened to them but that we’re always going to be here to help them to understand things and to love them.
We all shed a tear or two, my middle girl the most. She is so confused about her feelings that she cried whilst laughing almost hysterically. We talked about how letting the tears out can sometimes help us to feel a bit better, with each tear the sadness will get smaller and smaller and sometimes the sadness goes away but sometimes a little bit stays but we get used to it being there so it doesn’t make us cry so much.
We had lots of cuddles and snuggles and dried the tears and ended on a happy note, the girls each took their teddy to bed to cuddle.
It was a very emotionally draining ‘story time’ for me as well as them.
I’m really hoping for a nice weekend, please!