I don’t tell many people that my girls are adopted, and I’m especially cautious about telling parents at school. I don’t want my girls to be judged and I’d hate for the children in their school to find out, understandably not all children are mature enough to know what adoption is about, and in the wrong hands it could be used to be unkind to them or even an innocent remark could be very traumatic and probably result in us having to move schools. So, I’m careful who I tell.
But sometimes I find myself in a situation where I feel I have to tell our secret.
Tonight for example. My baby girl went to a party. The little girls mom has been very chatty and we’ve exchanged many texts. Some of those texts were about her youngest daughter having chicken pox, so tonight at the party I enquired how she was feeling now. We chatted. She asked if my girls have had chicken pox.
I don’t know, I felt panic set in, my cheeks flushed, my heart raced what sort of a mom doesn’t know?! Its certainly not the sort of mom that’s trying her best to fit in and not stand out from the crowd. A good mom would know!
So I told her I didn’t know and after a brief pause, I told her, I explained why I didn’t know. She was shocked and remarked (as many have) how much my girls look like me. I judged her character correctly, she is familiar with the needs of looked after children via her employment. A wave of relief passes over me.
I don’t want my girls to be judged but at the same time I don’t want to be judged either.
I’m not a bad, forgetful, uncaring, negligent mom.
I’m a good mom that’s still getting to know her daughters but I may never get to know all of their past.