My big girl has always told me how she wants to be a Mommy when she’s older, it’s all she’s ever expressed an interest in. I’ve always worried that she was aspiring to be like her birth mom and would go on to repopulate the planet later in her teens. I’ve recently taken up volunteering, partly because I want something that’s just for me, and partly because I want her to see that Mommys don’t just have babies, sometimes they work to.
She said to me on the playground this morning that a girl in her class had told her that it hurts when baby’s come out. She asked me if this was true so I thought I’d be honest and share my own thoughts and I told her ‘yes it does hurt, quite a lot I’ve been told’. She pondered over this new information for a moment or two and then she said to me ‘I dont think I want to be a mommy any more’!
Maybe I should have just shown her a birthing video instead of worrying all these months! 🙂
………………wouldn’t it be great if life came with an answers page!
Or perhaps if life wasnt so complicated! I much prefered it when MY mom made all my decisions for me, I wonder where she got her answers from, perhaps she could lend me the ‘book’.
I’d first look up how to teach a 7 year old to be a 7 year old and do the things that 7 year olds do.
Then I’d research how to teach her to interact with other 7 year olds rather than seek adult interaction all the time.
I’d then look up how to help a 7 year old feel safe enough to sleep through the night, and then perhaps how to make her feel secure enough to not be anxious all the time.
And finally I’d look up why there are so many different ‘professionals’ needed to ‘help support’ one child yet only one of me to support her every day and only one of me to find all of those answers, and without an ‘answers page’.
So I’ve been wondering lately…………………………….How do I tell my girls that even though they were removed from their birth mothers care along with all their other siblings that have remained in foster care, she has been allowed to keep her new baby.
Will they be jealous? Will they think this is a sign that she can now do the ‘mommy job’ and they can go back to her? Will they be worried for the new baby’s safety? Will they even want to know about the new baby? Will they feel they were some how not good enough for her to keep safe? Will they be happy? Will they be sad? Will they understand?
So many questions and so many possible out comes, how will I ever be sure that they’re ready to know?!
There was a birthday in the house today so our day has mainly consisted of giggles, pink, cake, more giggles and more cake!
A lovely day all round!
The more time passes and the more questions I find myself with the more I realise I have no idea who to ask for answers.
Do I ring the Placing Authority’s post adoption support team?
Do I ring the Voluntary Agency that we used?
Do I ring our Local Authority’s post adoption support team?
Why don’t I know the answer to this, surely someone should have been responsible for making sure I knew where to turn should I need support!?
I spent a little time today with my baby girl in school.
She was not the baby girl I know.
She was anxious, agitated, hyper, stroppy, moody, fidgeting constantly.
Everything she’s not when she’s at home.
Is this ADHD, Attachment, Hyper Vigilance, the list goes on
School wont see an issue as her poor behaviour is only ever at home.
So that’s 2 out of 3 that I know that arent coping with school.
What to do!?
Waving them off and in to school this morning has left me feeling like I’ve said goodbye to the girls I’ve just spent a lovely half term with, at least until the next school holiday anyway.
We walked to school, I wanted to hold on to them for as long as possible before handing them over. Even standing on the playground waiting for the bell I could see the change in them. Agitated and uneasy, I could see behind their smiles, already their glow is fading.
Home schooling might be the answer for my big girl, she has many issues with school and doesn’t benefit from the social aspect, but its not the answer for her sisters who love school and have many friends. So is there an answer that suits all of them?! Maybe the school is the issue.
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