Im Tired!

Published July 8, 2011 by thefamilyof5

 

Im tired of bickering that can last from 7.30am to 7pm

Im tired of attending appointment after appointment

Im tired of  feeling sad as i watch my youngest struggle to find her place in our family and get used to living with her sisters

Im tired of having to repeat myself over and over again about the same things

Im tired of smiling when i want to cry

Im tired of fighting for support for my children and being questioned about why im bothering, because, what will be will be, apparently

Im tired of battling with control issues

Im tired of the school run and still after 12 months of placement, feeling like a fraud on the playground

Im tired of feeling like i cant be honest about my feelings to friends and family for fear of judgment

Im tired of explaining that they’re not ‘naughty’ children and i appreciate im very lucky as it could be much worse, but i was prepared for disruptive/destructive behaviour, i wasn’t prepared for emotional mind games

Im tired of having to justify my every move

Im tired of having to explain the effects of trauma/neglect on children and how it makes them different to other children

Im tired of the children telling lies for no real reason

Im tired of shouting

Im tired of worrying about the things they do and being told ‘its just kids they all do that’

Im tired of listening to my eldest (6) go on and on and on about how she will be a mommy when she’s older and how she will hold her baby and what she will say to her baby and watching her tend to baby annabel like an adult would tend to a real baby, not like a child would and worrying that im not the mommy she’s aspiring to be like but her dysfunctional birth mom who’s still trying to re-populate the planet

Im tired of feeling deflated and exhausted

Im tired of people who know nothing about neglect/trauma/adoption thrusting their parenting advice on me and being offended when i dont take their advice

Im tired of discovering my friends/family are not the understanding people i thought they were and they said they would be

Im tired of moaning

Im tired of feeling so disappointed about so many things

Im tired of the sound of my own voice

but most of all…………………………………….Im tired of being tired

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One comment on “Im Tired!

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